whiticism

overheard in the whitney house: baby names

2010-07-23T14:18:00.001-07:00

me (sternly): langley piper! when you act this way, it makes me think we shouldn't have given you such a sweet name. we should have given you an evil name…like "fangley viper."

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

father's day 2010

2010-07-20T15:45:00.002-07:00

finally posting this...

overheard in the whitney house: music lesson

2010-07-16T07:40:00.000-07:00

last weekend, we were watching this mostly live-action version of the velveteen rabbit with langley, and during one of the cartoon parts, they do this cheesy musical number. LP starts bopping to it, as usual, and then i hear this:

bryan: if you like this, you're gonna love styx.

overheard in the whitney house: baby warfare

2010-06-25T09:25:00.001-07:00

bryan: baby, are you not watching this baby? she's got a handful of dog food, a hand grenade, and i think she just yelled "jihad."

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

langley at one year

2010-06-14T11:09:00.006-07:00

june 14, 2010

Dear Langley,

You are now a full year old and I just cannot believe how fast the time has gone. I was looking back at pictures of you when you first came home and it does not seem possible that I am looking at the same baby. In the last few weeks you have really come into your own with this combination crawl, slide, drag, crab walk thing you do. Until recently your locomotion was severely impaired because of the concrete floors and our fear of you cracking your head. But NO MORE. We bought some carpet and some carpet pad and put it down and rearranged the living room around the idea of keeping you corralled but letting you have some independence, and it is looking good so far. You are cruising from couch to couch and scooting all over the living room. It is really quite a miracle that you are not walking yet, and we are savoring these last few moments we have with you as a nonfunctioning biped. You are quite comfortable on your feet and will walk just holding onto one of my hands squealing in delight the entire time.

Also it appears you have been bit by the technology bug very early. We recently got new iMacs and iPads for the office (I am actually typing this to you on the iPad), and you are always looking for an opportunity to take one and see if it works better while being jammed in a baby's mouth. (We think you are really just trying to update www.truth.com.) I let you play with my old iPhone and, after you were done, the home screen button no longer worked and the screen said that the accessory (YOU) that I was trying to plug into the phone was not meant for use with the iPhone.

This year has been quite a learning experience but you have really made it easy. You are really a happy kid who loves her furry bothers and sisters and just loves to be tickled and laugh. Really the only thing you do not like lately are naps, but we have managed to trick you into enough to keep our sanity.

On the music front, you have been exposed to about every genre possible. Despite mom's best attempts you are totally onboard with listening to rap, especially Jay-Z, 50, and Nelly. The only music I have seen you react negatively to is bad 90's heavy metal that came on during bath time thanks to the bing top 100 app.

You are really an amazing little person and I am so proud of you and love you so much. I can not wait to see all that you will do in your life. I know that you will not remember your 1st birthday but your mom and I will always remember the day our little baby dog turned a year old.

Love,

Daddy Dog (which is what you call me lately)

random photo monday: memorial day grass-eatin' good times

2010-05-31T15:27:00.004-07:00

except for the fact that LP ended up with a bloody lip from sucking on this blade of grass for five minutes, this was a fantastic idea.

overheard in the whitney house: near miss

2010-05-28T11:10:00.004-07:00

bryan: good thing i lowered her crib four months ago.

me: yeah, we really dodged that bullet.

overheard in the whitney house: baby fight club

2010-05-21T07:04:00.001-07:00

bryan's reaction to LP being upset: you're gonna have to suck it up, kid. this is your life, and it's fucking ending one second at a time.

langley at nine months...and ten months...and eleven months

2010-05-17T15:27:00.008-07:00

may 14, 2010

dear little boognish,

apparently, mama has gotten very bad about getting these letters done for you lately. we haven’t written one since you were eight months old, and that’s just ridiculous because, hello, are you a new baby or what?

in the past three months, you have grown four more teeth, giving you a whole new smile - just a giant, goofy grin. you have finally decided that rolling over is worth something, and you have crawled, albeit backwards only. i think we kind of set you up for failure on that one, what with the concrete floors and the “bunchy britches” (aka, bumgenius diapers). i did convince your daddy to let us throw some carpet down in the living room temporarily, so hopefully we’ll get that done soon, and we won’t have to be so terrified of you cracking your head open all the time.

none of these things can compare to the allure of walking, so that has been your major focus for the past few months. you do not want to sit down - ever. usually, if we try to put you in a seated position on the floor or couch, you stiffen up your little legs and make it impossible. even if we do get you to sit, within seconds you’re grabbing something to help you stand up. your favorite place to do this is on the couch, where you can then walk back and forth and try to attack the kittendog or pull aiko’s tail. you also really enjoy cruising around the coffee table, which means we need to start rethinking that glass and metal contraption of death.

even though you love practicing your walk on your own (with a little help from me or daddy), you still dig the jeep walker, which terrifies the dogs no end, and that causes us great enjoyment. some of your finer moments have been spent outside chasing after the dogs and squealing with delight as they take off in fear for their lives. i’ll tell you, it’s better than TV.

daddy lowered your crib months ago, thinking that soon we would go into your room in the morning and find you hanging over the railing because you’ve pulled yourself up and tried to climb out. we haven’t had that experience yet, but you did finally start rolling over to your stomach while you sleep, so we have found you in all kinds of different positions in the past few days. unfortunately, you usually cry a bit when you do it, and really unfortunately, it tends to be at 5 am. it’s like you have totally panicked yourself by rolling into this position and then, after about 30 seconds, you’re like, “oh hey, this is really comfortable. i should do this all the...zzzzz...zzzzz.”

we celebrated my first mother’s day together, starting a long tradition of daddy being responsible for buying more than one card for every holiday, so i’m sure that’s very exciting for him. just wait until he has you “buying” me gifts that he then has to wrap. i predict mama will have to teach you how to properly manipulate gift wrap very early in your life so i don’t end up opening things that look like they’ve been run over by a small truck.

finally, i should tell you that the last time we took you to the baby playgroup, we discovered that you’re going to be the big kid who bites, which is fantastic. can’t wait to get those calls from school. the biting really isn’t your fault - it’s because you’ve been raised mostly by dogs. and by people who have too many dogs. and who play with you sometimes like you’re a babydog...ugh, i should probably just stop worrying about a college fund and start working on a therapy fund instead...and i should clarify that you did not bite anyone at playgroup, but i saw panic in a few of the parents’ eyes as you came at their babies face first with your mouth open. we didn’t bother to explain that this is what you apparently consider “kissing.” in any case, you are also the most giant baby compared to so many others that we see, and i don’t mean that you’re overly chunky or somehow out of proportion. you’re just a big, healthy kid, and i’m afraid you’re going to be just like your mother and be taller than practically everyone else in your class until the boys hit 16 or 17. don’t worry though. it just means that people will be intimidated by you for one more reason in addition to your brilliance and beauty.

love,

mamadog

squash fries

2010-04-05T16:05:00.002-07:00

i owe LP, family and friends lots of updates, but we've been too busy ~~hemorrhaging money~~ finishing construction on our new office building, so this is just a tidbit.

LP's (and my husband's) new favorite recipe:

butternut squash fries

1/2 butternut squash, peeled and cut into fry shapes

toss in olive oil

place on greased baking sheet

bake in 350 oven until golden brown

LP likes them pretty "smushy," but the adults have been eating them a bit crispier, and they are fantastic.

happiest. kid. ever.

2010-03-08T14:26:00.003-07:00

LP has been extremely cooperative during photo sessions lately, laughing and smiling every time the flash goes off, rather than making her old standby crazy eyes. it's a lovely change.

langley at eight months

2010-02-23T08:55:00.007-07:00

february 14, 2010

Dear little LP,

You are now officially 8 months old, since we have agreed finally on the new age calculation method of using the 14th of each month to mark a month. You have had quite a few firsts here over the past few weeks. You seem to be stretching out quite a bit, and I recently had to make your excer-saucer a little higher for you. I also had to adjust your crib down a few settings, and while your mom may not think it is necessary, I was not going to risk you escaping in the middle of the night.

You got to take your first plane ride when we went to Colorado for Jo’s wedding and to visit Un-Cle DAAAAAVE. Luckily for us and everyone else on the plane you were very well behaved. We got to board with the first group because of you, and it was everything I hoped it could be. You stood on my lap in the aisle seat and laughed and smiled at everyone as they boarded the plane, and they silently prayed not to have to listen to a screaming baby for the entire flight.

Once we were in CO you were quite the little trouper. You tagged along on our skiing expedition to Winter Park all the way up to 12,000 feet. We camped out in the ski lodge with you and took turns making runs down the mountain. I really wanted to put you in a sled and have you trail along behind me but we decided that was probably a quick way to have you taken away from us. We did get to put you in a little red wagon surrounded by all our ski stuff, which made lugging you and all the stuff much easier. At Winter Park you rode on the gondola, got pulled in a wagon, you rode on trains and buses at the airport and flew back and forth to CO, pretty much hitting every mode of transportation in one trip except boat.

At the hotel you slept in your very own queen size bed which worked out much better than a hotel crib. You also got to go swimming with your mom and dad and you seemed to like it. You did not cry at all, but you also did not laugh or smile. You were very interested in watching the other kids, but overall you handled the entire swimming thing as though it were a very serious and solemn experience. Hopefully, you will enjoy the pool here at the house this summer.

You now have two giant teeth on the bottom, which you constantly use to chew on anything you can get your hands on. You have hit this stage where you love to walk around in your Jeep walker and have us hold your hands so you can stand and walk. Your new extra fun idea is to try to stand on your own, which you are unable to do just yet, so instead it propels you forward with shocking speed, and you have tried to dive off the couch a few times now. And as I write this you have just managed to roll over from your stomach to your back all on your own for the very first time, and we are so proud.

You have been an amazing little addition and have learned so much in 8 months. I will not hold it against you that you constantly say Mama but have yet to utter anything that remotely resembles Dada. You have however constantly been jabbering and yelling Oy Oy Oy, which is very cute. You finally have some hair too, which is good because Daddy was starting to worry you were gonna have my hairstyle for a while longer. Thanks for being a great daughter. I am so proud of all your progress and I love you very much.

Love,

Daddy

overheard in the whitney house: baby therapy

2010-01-22T08:30:00.005-07:00

when langley wakes up some mornings, she makes what we call "the most annoying sound in the world." it sounds like a wrong answer buzzer on a game show. keeping that in mind, here's a text message i got from bryan a couple of weeks ago:

i had a dream last night that i was in the waiting room at a therapist's office, and there was this old jewish man yelling the whole time. then i woke up and i realized langley was the old jewish man.

random photo monday: a series of chai-tastic events

2010-01-18T10:15:00.005-07:00

langley at six and seven months

2010-01-15T07:41:00.000-07:00

january 14, 2010

dear little boognish,

you might have noticed that mama did not do a letter for you at six months. the first reason is, oy, do we ever have far too much going on around here. the second, crazier, reason is that there has been some debate over when your monthly “birthdays” actually are. your daddy and i have been counting up the weeks and, every four weeks, we call that a month. your gran wants us to count the 14th of each month as your birthday because it makes more sense then when you turn one year old. my only concern with choosing any particular method is that i refuse to be one of those people who says their child is 37 months old or 142 weeks old or any of that nonsense. so here’s the deal: we will, from now on, say that you’ve turned another month older on the 14th of each month and call it good.

all that aside, you have had a spectacular couple of months, little lady. you’re becoming a real little person, and it’s absolutely incredible. recently, we got you a walker, and then gran got you one for her house too, and you love scooting around and playing with all the toys. you actually “drive” the jeep walker - hands at 10 and 2 and everything.

you almost never want to lie down anymore, and naps are mostly out of the question unless you’re treefrogging on me or daddy. all you want to do is stand up, which you can now do with very little help from us. you hold onto our hands, but you’re basically balancing and doing everything on your own. you have also started sitting up without our help for really long periods of time without toppling over. it’s amazing how much happier you are with some independence. you’re so stinkin’ proud of yourself, and i love it.

the dogs are all your best buds, and you’re checking them out almost as much as they check you out now. one day a couple of weeks ago, you were at the tail-end of a two-hour fuss that no silly mama face or noise could break you out of, and bronson came over and started nosing around at you and licking your face, and you just busted out laughing. malichai came over to join in, and you were completely cheered up. you love those damn dogs. you’ve been petting them a lot more and grabbing clumps of their fur and pulling their ears, and luckily they’ve been very understanding of these new developments. i think they’re just happy to have another human to pay attention to them since all mama and daddy do is neglect and abuse them, of course.

about a week ago, we took you to phoenix, and you took an awesome nap the whole way down, and then woke up just in time to go completely apeshit in the hotel room. you were a huge fan of all the new sights. you sat for an hour just rubbing your feet on the comforter because you liked the sound it made, and you got all wide-eyed looking out from our 16th floor windows. you went with us to a fancy dinner in a revolving restaurant, and even though everyone around us looked pretty worried that you were going to ruin their lovely evening, you did an amazing job of not fussing...even if it meant constantly being on either my or daddy’s lap, which made trying to cut our steaks really fun. when we got back to our hotel, we stopped at the bar to buy a bottle of wine, which we placed in the cup holder of your stroller, instantly making you a huge hit in the lobby. everybody saw our little alcoholic baby and laughed their asses off. we took off running before somebody called CPS.

you’re eating real foods these days, and mama’s giving the baby food maker a good workout. you’ve tried peas, carrots, squash, sweet potatoes, bananas and prunes, and guess what? you’re a foodie. you don’t care what color it is or what it smells like. if it is food, you probably really really really love it. daddy hates to feed you because you’re a giant catastrophe, always putting your fingers in your mouth and flinging food everywhere. i’m not a huge fan of that either, but you look so damn happy the whole time that i forgive you.

in two weeks, we’ll be heading to colorado to see your un-cle daaaaave in boulder and go to my friend jo’s wedding in denver. it will be your first plane ride and your first trip of more than one night, and i’m quite terrified. be nice to mama and daddy, okay? don’t decide that you hate your hotel crib like you did in phoenix, because i am not sleeping with a punching-and-kicking baby for five nights!

love,

mamadog

things i love wednesday: winks

2010-01-13T15:07:00.001-07:00

seriously? who taught her this??

random photo monday: overstimulated

2010-01-04T17:39:00.002-07:00

random photo monday: christmas is overwhelming

2009-12-28T09:24:00.002-07:00

i'm calling this LP's "holy shit, it's christmas" look.

random photo monday: impromptu nap

2009-12-21T11:20:00.003-07:00

bryan took this short video when i fell asleep on the couch yesterday. i had no idea the cat had decided to join me.

random photo monday: baby it's cold outside

2009-12-14T15:24:00.002-07:00

when the weather turns chilly, aiko refuses to go outdoors and just wraps up in blankets near the fire.

random photo monday: stranglebath

2009-12-07T12:34:00.003-07:00

so, bryan took photos of LP getting a bath one day, and they all turned out like this:

why does it have to look like i'm strangling my baby? i swear i'm not! that's just the only way to take care of the spoiled milk neck!

overheard in the whitney house: baby paraphernalia

2009-12-04T13:54:00.002-07:00

in the category of "things you never thought you'd hear a man say:"

bryan: ugh, i hate these nipples! it's too hard to tell what kind they are!

for those who are offended

2009-11-30T18:58:00.003-07:00

i received this comment on one of my posts a couple of weeks ago, and it took me until today to decide to publish it and then to respond to it.

Gently, because I know you mean absolutely no harm: you may want to reconsider your header, before a parent of a baby with cerebral palsy or another crawling-limiting motor condition sees it.

okay, so i can completely appreciate that someone is looking out for the parents of those with debilitating infirmities, and it makes me strangely proud to see that someone outside my group of immediate family and friends is paying any attention to this little site, but come on!

here's the deal: i live in a house that is under 2000 square feet with four dogs, a kittendogdisaster, a husband and 8000 pieces of technogeek equipment. none of these things are babyproofed, nor do i think they are necessarily capable of being babyproofed, particularly bronson. the last time a child ran through our house, bryan and i looked on in horror as we realized our house was full of fire pokers and sharp corners and quicksand and godknowswhat. these things are what make me terrified of the concept of langley learning to crawl and why i am savoring these days of immobility. because very, very soon i will have to envelop that child in bubble wrap and hope for the best. with any luck, she'll make it through her toddlerhood covered only in dog spit and not scars from cracking her head open on the concrete floors.

i hope this addresses any concerns that i might be trying to poke fun or that i might not be sensitive to the plights of others. sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, folks.

random photo monday: flying baby

2009-11-30T18:52:00.003-07:00

coming in for a landing on crazy papadog.

there is nothing sadder...

2009-11-24T09:57:00.002-07:00

...than a baby with a cold. except, maybe, a mother with a nasty cold trying to take care of a baby with a cold. at least she's still able to smile and laugh at all my stupid tricks. hopefully posting will pick up after everybody in the house is feeling better.

random photo monday: cutest. hat. ever.

2009-11-16T14:00:00.003-07:00

i think i'm going to make her wear this hat until she goes off to college. and she will like it. or else.

langley at five months

2009-11-10T10:19:00.005-07:00

november 10, 2009

dear little boognish,

so, you might have noticed i’m a little late with your five-month letter. yeah, well, i told daddy he should do it this month, but then he had no time because we have a five-month-old baby. and then i had no time because we have a five-month-old baby. and do you know what five-month-old babies do? they refuse to nap. ever. i can barely get through the day without naps but you seem perfectly happy to play and laugh and wiggle and squinch all day long, stopping only occasionally to rub your eyes and beg for sleep and then refuse it when it’s offered to you.

in the past month, you’ve become much more aware of the zoo in which we live. you pull on malichai’s fur and ears, and at least once you punched him in the eye. he didn’t even get mad, which is incredible. i think he knows you’re his third pack leader.

you also got a doorway jumper, and you’re a pretty big fan. you get those little legs swinging around underneath you, and you twist yourself around in circles for nearly a half hour at a time, which is like a lifetime to such a little kid. then you look straight at us like you’re about to do something magnificent and throw your face onto the side of the seat and suck on it until the thing is soaking wet. teething is awesome!

basically, our biggest role in your life these days is providing fingers for you to chomp on all day. you do it to gran too, to the point that her fingers hurt at the end of a day of hanging out with you. it’s quite mean, really. we should talk about that.

your uncle dave came to visit again, and you were a huge fan. you showed off all your tricks - laughing until you gave yourself the hiccups, sleeping through the night, the butt cannon (not the farting kind, but the wiggling kind with the sound effects - you know what i’m talking about). the only thing you didn’t show him was your poop face, which mama had promised him he’d get to witness. every day, you waited until he had left the house before you would do it, and it’s just not fair. everyone should get to witness the poop face. i keep trying to get it on video, and i swear i’ll be victorious one day, so watch out, future boyfriends! i might have some superb footage to embarrass my daughter with in front of you someday!

love,

mamadog

overheard in the whitney house: injuries

2009-11-06T14:26:00.001-07:00

me: the first time she falls or hits something and gets a little scar, i’m going to be so upset.

bryan: it’ll be just like the first time i dropped my iphone.

random photo monday: johnny jump up

2009-10-26T13:41:00.002-07:00

this is the first really active toy that LP has completely taken to. she actually really loves it, and she provides us with a lot of laughs when she's bobbing around in it.

things i love wednesday: tummy time

2009-10-21T14:01:00.002-07:00

LP is getting better about being put on her tummy for longer periods of time, and this thing she does with her hands just kills me. i call it "hatching an evil plan."

overheard in the whitney house: future purchases

2009-10-16T06:38:00.000-07:00

me to bryan: i gotta tell you baby, price isn't really what's keeping me out of the helicopter market.

random photo monday: chai loves LP

2009-10-12T11:44:00.002-07:00

these two laid like this for a good 15 or 20 minutes the other day. love it.

langley at four months

2009-10-09T08:40:00.006-07:00

dear little boognish,

you’re now four months old, and i swear, you are just a whole new baby. you’re sleeping through the night most of the time, and we just love you for it. you wake up every morning with the biggest smile on your face, like you just can’t wait to start your big, exciting day. it makes it really hard to be upset about never being able to sleep in past 7 am.

your third month was a big one. you went camping with all of your dogs and mama and daddy in a big RV, and you got to see lots of bluegrass and quite a bit of hail. everybody in flagstaff thought your parents were crazy, but you were pretty cool with the whole situation. even though we had to practically smother you in sweatshirts and blankets every night, you seemed to enjoy yourself, and you didn’t even scream so much that our neighboring campers complained or moved away. i have to say, you made us very proud.

you’ve started staying with your gran a few days during the week so mama could go back to work, and you’re really loving it. most of the time, you come home pretty exhausted, which has definitely helped with that whole sleeping-through-the-night thing, and we’re in gran’s debt for it. you have no idea how much easier it is to be your mama when i’ve had more than five hours of sleep at a stretch. not that you’re a difficult baby to love, but just the same, i’d appreciate it if this trend could continue.

we’re starting to get a little worried about the upcoming weeks because somebody has decided to start teething pretty early. every morning when i get you out of bed, your sleeves are completely soaked because you’ve been sucking on them to get some relief from those budding teeth. you’re on this really wonky schedule some days, where you just try to sleep all day in between fits of uncontrollable screaming. it’s really enjoyable. most days you’re still pretty decent though, so we’re not quite ready to trade you in...yet.

it seems like every day you learn something new or are doing something better, like grasping objects with both hands and following people with your whole head when they walk by. you’ve even started paying more attention to the dogs lately, and man, are they excited about that. they absolutely can’t wait until you’re big enough to start playing with them. they already think you’re the coolest chick they know, so just imagine how happy they’ll be when you can interact with them. i’m just hoping that day comes soon and that it means mama can get a break from being shadowed 24 hours by four dogs, all forming a parade behind me as i wander from room to room. that’s why i decided to have kids - to distract the damn dogs.

love,

mamadog

things i love wednesday: making LP laugh

2009-10-07T14:03:00.004-07:00

random photo monday: kittendog's new spot

2009-10-05T12:30:00.002-07:00

it took four months, but kittendog has finally discovered that LP's crib might be a great place to catch a nap. at least she'll keep the baby warm...

things i love wednesday: this video

2009-09-30T12:27:00.004-07:00

i really hate beyonce, but this baby cracks me up. i can't wait till langley can dance like this...but she'll do it to far better music.

UPDATE: apparently that video isn't viewable anymore, but i'm leaving it up in case it ever becomes so again because it is fantastic.

random photo monday: dogs love RVs...as long as they have beds

2009-09-28T07:59:00.000-07:00

champagne thursday: toast #47

2009-09-24T11:41:00.004-07:00

it's been a long time since i've posted anything because the whitney family thought it would be a fabulous idea to drive to flagstaff last friday, in two cars with four dogs and a baby, rent an RV and camp out at the annual Pickin' in the Pines event until monday. because we're just that ridiculous. and here's what our weekend looked like:

we had to bundle LP up at night because it was freezing, even though we were able to turn the heat on for short stretches.

we got to the show saturday just in time for it to spontaneously hail. lucky for langley, her car seat and stroller canopies acted together to fully enclose her in a little bubble of protection.

and finally, we learned that she is not so much a fan of eating outside. the concept was completely lost on her.

more photos to come...

things i love wednesday: this guy

2009-09-16T10:36:00.004-07:00

i saw this guy at the dreaded wal-mart the other night, and his hairstyle almost made the trip worthwhile. i couldn't snap a photo surreptitiously, but this is ~~an artist's rendering~~ my really sad drawing:

thank you, crazy-haired wal-mart guy, for turning an otherwise depressing shopping experience into a truly enjoyable evening.

random photo monday: clean wine glasses

2009-09-14T06:58:00.002-07:00

ever since langley was born and we got this handy drying rack for her bottles, suddenly mama doesn't battle daddy for who is going to hand wash and dry the "good" wine glasses. why does it seem like less of a pain just because there's a rack to dry them on? and what would child protective services say about this practice?

things i love wednesday: uninterrupted sleep!!!!

2009-09-09T09:50:00.003-07:00

that headline really did require four exclamation points because LANGLEY SLEPT FOR EIGHT STRAIGHT HOURS LAST NIGHT!!!! i've never felt such unadulterated joy and restfulness. god, i love that child! here's hoping we can repeat this phenomenon every now and then...

langley at three months: introducing special guest author papadog

2009-09-07T15:03:00.011-07:00

Dear Pipes,

You were officially 3 months old yesterday and my how far you and I have come. Long gone are the baby burrito days, and you are now holding your head up, smiling and laughing, and you even recognize your mom and dad when you see us. It is so amazing to come into your room and have you look right at me and start to smile.

You and I have been spending quite a bit of time together. Mostly we see each other after 5 PM which unfortunately happens to be your fussy time. Lately we have started the 8 PM bath ritual which you absolutely love. After I have washed you all up, I put one hand behind your head and you just love to swim and float around the tub. The other great thing about this is that you come out pretty tired and ready for a little milk and then off to bed. We do not get to see each other again until between 2 and 3 AM. We hang out for your middle of the night feeding and watch movies off Netflix while you eat, or lately we watch CLE online so that your daddy can keep his law license. Recently we began watching Clockwork Orange, which I have never seen, and I immediately regretted watching it with you. I think the next movie will be a Pixar flick because we are rapidly approaching the time when everything is going to have to be Langley appropriate. This also causes me great concern considering that your daddy curses just about every other word. Please don’t hold it against me if your first word is fffff.....fudge......well, you know what I mean.

We are getting ready to transition your mom back to work full-time/part-time, and while I am really excited about having your mom back to take some of the load off me at work, I know she is not pleased to have to leave you. Luckily you have your Gran in town and she is going to take time off from work to take care of you on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Even with this handy arrangement it is likely that you will be at least partially raised in a criminal defense law office. I think you will have the opportunity to hear and see some pretty interesting things. I hope you will ask plenty of questions and that I will think of some way to explain things to you. I also picture you being a pretty talkative kid and can envision you giving repeat clients lectures about shoplifting, drinking and their continued drug use.

Oh, by the way - you had your first Red Sox jersey on the other day and then laid on the couch with me and watched your first Red Sox game. This was a very proud moment for me and you actually seemed to be pretty interested in the game. (Note from Mamadog: Puh-lease! She just likes the different colors on the giant TV screen. Once she realizes she's watching baseball, she'll be all "MOM!! Can I please hang out with YOU instead?!")

You must know that one of the best things about you is mornings when you are sleepy but not quite ready to go to sleep on your own, and you fall asleep on my chest. I lay in the bed with the covers wrapped around the two of us and Mommy and all the dogs are in the bed too and you just lay quietly and sleep.

You went on your first trip to Las Vegas and did really well on the drive and also loved staying in the hotel room. We are being pretty ambitious for your next outing and taking you to Flagstaff for a weekend of camping in an RV with all four dogs at Pickin’ in the Pines bluegrass festival. You are a pretty adventurous and portable little tike, and I think you are up to this challenge.

You have been the greatest little baby even when you drive me to the breaking point and the verge of insanity with your high pitched screams. I could not be happier to have you in our life and can’t wait to see what you will do next. I love you.

Love, Daddy

champagne thursday: toast #46

2009-09-03T10:26:00.003-07:00

yesterday, bryan and i celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary. and how did we celebrate? did we take my mom up on her offer to watch the baby while we went out to a nice, romantic dinner? oh no, no. we spent it with someone who decided to have an attack of the fusses during a business outing that made it impossible for me to want to drop her off at gran's house in such a state. but she looked like this when she was doing it, so how could we be mad?

random photo monday: what everybody's thinking

2009-08-31T09:34:00.002-07:00

our thanks to anicca for the perfect onesie...

things i love wednesday: father/daughter bonding

2009-08-26T14:35:00.003-07:00

i walked in on this scene the other day and had to shoot some photos of bryan commiserating with LP.

random photo monday: sweet babydog

2009-08-24T11:00:00.001-07:00

this photo just kills me.

random photo monday: naughty water

2009-08-17T16:45:00.003-07:00

we volunteer at a local no-kill dog shelter, and the last time i worked a shift there, i found this sitting on a chair in the breezeway.

langley at two months

2009-08-16T14:48:00.003-07:00

dear little boognish,

last sunday you turned eight weeks old, and your grandparents were here to witness it. i swear, in just the one week they were visiting, you managed to become a completely different baby than the week before. you’re smiling on purpose more often, you’re cooing, and sweet jesus, are you gaining control of that bobble head of yours. we barely have to support it anymore - you just wobble it all around like a little champ. it’s incredible. we even started putting you in your bumbo, although we have to keep our hands at the ready in case you decide to try to whip your head around a bit too much.

a few days after your two-month milestone, we took you out on the lake on a pontoon boat. with malichai. and five adults who were drinking alcohol. i know! we are crazy. about five minutes in, we thought we’d made possibly the worst decision of our lives, but once we got out on the open water, you seemed pretty cool with the whole situation. there you were, just hanging out on a boat in your diaper, lounging in your bassinet and taking bottles from whoever wasn’t swimming with the dog at the moment. your dad took you into the lake with him, although thankfully he didn’t try to make you swim. but you seemed to enjoy getting your feet wet and having water dripped on you a bit. later, you even let us go to a restaurant and eat lunch without making a scene. you were truly a great little traveler, which stands to reason considering your mother’s childhood and the fact that you were forced onto several cramped planes, including some rather scary turboprop planes, while you were cooking in the womb just so your mama could go see a band play in virginia.

the past few weeks, you have grown increasingly interested in the ceiling in general and ceiling fans in particular. your grandpa decided this must be because you are an alien from a planet far away where ceiling fans are your gods. whenever you would start to fuss, grandpa would just carry you into the living room and point out the fan, and there the two of you would worship for a good half hour. i think maybe grandpa’s been hanging out with your dad and me a bit too long, making up ridiculous back stories like that. i can’t even imagine the things you will try to tell your classmates and teachers someday. i have a feeling we might spend a lot of time in parent-teacher conferences trying to explain why our daughter told susie that her barbie doll was once a taiwanese hooker with a major heroin addiction but later went on to teach blind lepers how to make lace doilies for aged carnies in retirement homes. i hope those teachers have a great sense of humor!

love,

mamadog

ps - you’re wearing some of your six-month clothes already. please stop growing up so fast!

champagne thursday: toast #45

2009-08-13T09:56:00.003-07:00

ah, the grandparents. they've given bryan and me a nice little vacation by coming out for a visit and doing so much with the baby. things like tiring her out to the point that she sleeps for 7 1/2 hours straight, without so much as a peep.

random photo monday: aiko's haircut

2009-08-10T15:14:00.004-07:00

aiko was shorn like a sheep the other day, and she's never been happier...until her dad used that phrase, and her poor little ears perked up and she looked all expectant, and we realized that she still remembered the word for her favorite toy when she was a puppy. her guts-ripped-out-many-many-moons-ago favorite toy. sorry, aiko.

overheard in the whitney house: commercials

2009-08-07T07:25:00.002-07:00

so there is a ford ad running right now that starts out with a guy talking in a perfectly commercial-y and generally non-incendiary manner. my husband apparently took offense and thought the ad required a much nastier plot line.

commercial: people ask me, "mike, why ford? why now? and i say..."

bryan: "because I SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH."

for some reason, his response to this commercial cracked us up for at least a half hour. then it came up in a text conversation about the baby.

bryan: "she hates to poop."

me: "she is not poop's biggest fan."

bryan: "poop is not on her baby facebook friends list."

me: "people ask her 'why poop? why now? and she's all 'i'll shit in your mouth!'"

champagne thursday: toast #44

2009-08-06T10:35:00.004-07:00

i'm kind of sad that this post isn't the 43rd champagne thursday toast because it goes out to my mom, and 43 is her favorite number. i thank my mother so much for the way she always reassured me that giving birth does not necessarily play out the way it is consistently conveyed in movies and television. she always told me not to believe all the screaming and cursing and overall hellishness of the whole process, and i cannot thank her enough for it because, even though i was still fairly terrified of going through it, i had her calming words to make me believe that it wasn't going to be that bad.

it's awful what women do to each other. when you're pregnant, or even talking about wanting to become pregnant, there is no shortage of women who will bombard you with horror stories of 36-hour labors and white-knuckle pain. and i'm talking about women who weren't even crazy/brave enough to go without epidurals or any kind of traditional pain management. stories like these, and even those of women who went through natural labor, are just the grown-up version of the terrible ways girls in middle school treat each other.

i'm not going to pretend to know what it's like to be dilated beyond 4 cm without the benefit of an epidural. i have no idea how bad contractions get after that point, or what it feels like to be stitched up afterward without pain medication, but stories like those told by dooce here, here and here are the reason that so many women have panic attacks about labor and delivery. i'm not trying to invalidate her experience in any way - i'm sure it is extremely painful to go through the process without an epidural. i'm certain of it. but the drama with which these kinds of stories are told is outrageous. it's like when someone tells you that they were in labor with their child for 27 hours. yes, okay, you were, but how much of that time were you actually in any discomfort? most women don't even know they're in labor for a good portion of it, and they only find out later when it had actually started. my water broke at 9 pm one night, and langley was born at 12:33 pm the next day, so yes, i was in labor for at least 15 hours. but i didn't feel any contractions until well after midnight, and i didn't have contractions that were all that unpleasant until after 5 am. i have no idea how long the hours after that would have felt had i opted for a natural delivery, and i don't want to know. i can say that up until 8:30 am, the most uncomfortable part of my labor was getting the epidural, although it wasn't because the epidural itself was painful, only that the doctor administering it had trouble inserting it and compounded the problem by trying to be funny about it. after that, the most uncomfortable part of the delivery was the "stretching" process, which, even with pain medication, was not something i would repeat just for funsies. i did not scream during the delivery, and i did not wish death upon my husband. i did not have 12 people rubbing my back, and i did not once think that i couldn't get through the delivery.

i say all this not to belittle anyone who had painful labor experiences, only to reassure other women that not every horrible thing you hear about giving birth is true or is going to happen to you. if hearing someone tell a far less dramatic version of the usual war stories eases the anxiety of just one woman the way my mother's stories helped to ease mine, i'll be happy.

random photo monday: angry baby

2009-08-03T07:52:00.003-07:00

bryan and i laughed about this photo for a good 10 minutes. some people would think we were mean for laughing at a baby that is clearly upset about something. we just call it trying to stay sane in the wake of a fussy baby.

overheard in the whitney house: even more animal comparisons

2009-07-31T10:07:00.005-07:00

the following is a list of nicknames and various descriptors for langley and her actions:

babydog (obviously)
ferreting (when she's rooting around for the boob or the bottle)
bird mouth (when she's opening her mouth to signal she wants to eat but isn't "ferreting")
moose ears (when she throws her hands up above her ears, making them look like antlers)
turtle face (when she scrunches her neck down and then stretches it out; usually signifies a "movement")
chipmunk cheeks (seriously, look at these cheeks)
kangaroo feet (when she's kicking around like a mad woman, usually while we're trying to change her)
monkey lips (which also look a lot like fish lips)
bulldog (when she's got such serious boogs that it sounds like she can barely breathe)

clearly, we have problems in this family...

things i love wednesday: proofreaders

2009-07-29T11:49:00.004-07:00

ah, yes. that elusive day of the year, the 31th of july. seriously, people? you had seven words to proofread. oy.

turning a corner?

2009-07-28T11:06:00.002-07:00

i don't want to type this too loudly with the babydog sleeping in the next room, but last night, i was able to put her down at about midnight, papa fed and changed her at about 3:30 (although it was a difficult process), and she woke up again when we did around 7. granted, we normally would have liked to have gone to bed earlier, but if she keeps this up, she's definitely getting a car for her 16th birthday.

random photo monday: who needs a bassinet?

2009-07-27T08:40:00.004-07:00

i plan to carry this photo around in my wallet and throw it in the faces of those who ask us if we're getting rid of our dogs now that we have a baby. you know, especially that dangerous pit bull who will surely eat her one day.

squinchy goes to bat

2009-07-24T14:22:00.004-07:00

overheard in the whitney house: baby development

2009-07-24T08:52:00.002-07:00

"i'm just saying, why can't our baby be at least as good as a giraffe?"

my husband said this when wondering why it takes humans so long to be self-sufficient. apparently, our baby is not as good as a giraffe because she didn't come out of the womb walking. god, i love him.

champagne thursday: toast #43

2009-07-23T07:05:00.002-07:00

i highly doubt my husband has any idea why it's so important to me to breastfeed the baby as much as possible, particularly since i don't even know why i've become so obsessive about it, but i want to thank him sincerely for trying so hard to help me with it. i couldn't ask for a better partner in life, and he proves it more and more every day.

things i love wednesday: morning light

2009-07-22T07:07:00.000-07:00

even though i'm exhausted, i always love walking into langley's room for her 6 am snack.

(alternate title for this polka dot-heavy photo = where's waldo?)

random photo monday: the fort

2009-07-20T07:31:00.000-07:00

this dog bed is wedged in between two couches. the dogs love hiding there, and lately the kittendog has joined in. this is a rare moment of quiet between teagan and cadence. minutes later, that damn cat was back to climbing door jambs and throwing herself against the glass of the back door.

langley at one month: the photos

2009-07-17T13:42:00.004-07:00

this is what you looked like the day you turned one month old. in the first one, i think you might be signaling something about stealing third:

but this is your go-to sleeping position:

even with a little case of infant acne, who couldn't love this beautiful face?

langley at one month

2009-07-17T12:45:00.005-07:00

dear little boognish,

sunday you turned four weeks old. four weeks! that’s a whole month that your father and i managed to keep you alive, even with a rabid pit bull in the house! who’d have thunk it!? when we first brought you home, i don’t think there was a second that passed that we didn’t think, “holy shit. we can have all the degrees in the world, but we really should have been given a manual of some sort for this kind of thing. why were we allowed to just prance out of a hospital with nearly seven pounds of TERRIFYING RESPONSIBILITY??” the last time we walked out of anywhere with seven pounds of responsibility it was aiko, and she was in a freaking shopping cart. i don’t think the nurses would have looked kindly upon that kind of exit for you.

one of your first nights in the house, your dad asked if i had been setting the alarm clock to wake up and feed you. i said no, i woke up when i heard you on the monitor and got up to take care of you. he looked at me like i was the most amazing thing he’d ever seen and told me i was a great mom. granted, he was about 95% asleep at the time, but i take all the compliments i can get these days.

another night, i woke up to feed you and tapped your dad to ask him to get you and bring you to me. he stood up, leaned over and started moving his hands around the bed. i asked him what he was doing. “i’m looking for the baby!” i told him you were in your crib in your room. “i know!” okay, then what are you doing, i asked again. “i’m petting malichai!” i tell him i need him to go get you and bring you to me so i can feed you. “i know! i just wanted to pick malichai up and give him to you to hold for awhile!” i found it quite hilarious that your obviously still asleep father thought that i might like to hold a 65-pound dog while i waited for my baby to be brought into the room. i’m just glad i didn’t wake up one night to find him trying to attach a pit bull to my breast. that would have been awkward for all of us.

after a few days, you were getting yellower and yellower, and at your first doctor’s appointment the friday after you were born, we were told to take you to the hospital for a bilirubin test to see if you needed any kind of treatment. the doc said we should be worried about a number any higher than 15 and you came back at 27, which meant we needed to have you admitted to the hospital right that minute and get you hooked up to IV fluids and under some bili lights. this was not enjoyable for any of us. we took you upstairs and the nurses tried to insert an IV in your arm, and you were a little champ. you didn’t even cry except when the tourniquet was wrapped around your bicep. they tried a few times, but they couldn’t get it to work with your tiny little veins, so eventually they had to put the IV in your head. your head! i was doing pretty well until about the third time they tried to stick the IV in your arm, but by the time they were putting it in your head, i reached freak-out level and had to walk away to keep from beating up the nurses for something they couldn’t control.

once the IV was in, they put you in your little cart under the blue lights with these crazy goggles on your face, and i have to tell you, you were so stinkin’ cute under there that i could barely even cry about it.

i didn’t completely lose my cool until i was told that you would have to remain under the lights at all times until your levels came down, which meant i wouldn’t be able to breastfeed you as i had been doing exclusively to that point, and one of the nurses said it would be likely that we would be spending father’s day - that upcoming sunday - at the hospital. i felt horrible.

we were given a room to stay in so we could be with you whenever possible, and eventually we were allowed to help feed you by syringe, which is supposed to keep nipple confusion at bay for breastfed babies. your dad got to feed you for the first time, so that was nice for him, but i felt like a complete failure as a mother, and i just missed being able to hold you and look at your little face and feed you myself. i kept crying and crying, and your dad kept telling me you were going to be okay, but i really wasn’t worried about that. i knew you were going to be fine, even though the doc told us we might have to airlift you to phoenix for a transfusion. yes, it sounded scary, but i never thought it would be necessary...i don’t know why. i just knew you would be okay. in the meantime, though, i missed you so much i couldn’t be consoled. we were able to sit with you as much as we wanted, but looking at you through plastic wasn’t enough to make me feel better.

the next day, your level was coming down, and i was allowed to have you out of your light box for 30 minutes to feed you. i cried the whole time the first time i got to hold you again. we asked for your level to be checked again late that night, and we were told you would be able to come home sunday, so that night, your dad and i celebrated with a little illegal wine in the hospital room. the next day, we gave your dad his father’s day cards before we took you home. poor guy, spending his first father’s day morning in the hospital with his little yellow baby. you looked much better though, and when we took you home, for some reason we both felt like we were allowed to do more with you. that sounds weird, but up until that point, we were probably a little overly careful with you. i guess being released from the hospital a second time made us think we couldn’t possibly break you.

you should know that the whole time you were back in the hospital, the dogs were lost without you. your dad and i took turns running home to take care of them and take showers and whatnot, and every time, the dogs ran around the house looking for you. when we would leave, they would run to your crib and peek through the bars, wondering if maybe you were in there and they were supposed to keep an eye on you while we were gone. when we brought you back home, i swear we could almost hear them breathe a collective sigh of relief.

since our little jaundice scare, we’ve had to start supplementing your diet with formula, which makes me feel a bit like a failure again, but you’re gaining so much weight and looking so much healthier that i just don’t care. at your one-month checkup wednesday, you weighed in at eight pounds and you were already 21 ¾ inches long! you’ve been able to lift your head up quite a bit almost since the day you were born, and you’ve got a grip on you that is absolutely incredible. we’re constantly amazed at how strong you are. your little eyes are focusing better, and i think you might start getting confused as to why your parents don’t look more like all your brothers and sisters, who try to be in your line of vision as much as possible. one day you’ll be told by someone that those things are just your dogs, but you’ll know better - they’re your protectors and your biggest fans, and they’ll beat the crap out of anyone who says otherwise.

you’re about to start fussing in the other room, and i have to figure out how to deal with that and get dressed to go to court, even though all i want to do is hang out around the house with you all day, maybe do a little tummy time, maybe take part in a little spit-up marathon. it’s a rough life we’ve got, eh?

love,

mamadog

things i love wednesday: crazy internet people

2009-07-15T17:15:00.002-07:00

in trying my best to breastfeed my baby, i've come across a lot of wacky shit while doing some research on the internet. some of it really is helpful, but then you find people who say things like this:

my babe has blocked tear ducts and a stuffy nose, and I've been squirting bm in his eyes and up his nose, so he does get some on his face, although I haven't seen a difference yet, but I've been only doing it for two days now.

oh wait, it gets better. there are people agreeing with this behavior and replicating it in droves!

Her clogged tear duct has just started to clear up where she isn't waking up in the am with crusted sticky eye. I would squirt bm in her eye and massage the corner 3x day. In the am I'd give her a bath and massage the eye with a warm-hot cloth every morning and before bed. Now I'm squirting bm up her nose for the stuffyness and on her face. I think my mom thinks I'm officially nuts! I know bm is magic stuff.

ps, the "bm" stands for breast milk, although i find it funnier to pretend they're referring to the other kind of bm...but then again, i'm 4.

random photo monday: couch napping

2009-07-13T10:42:00.001-07:00

here, langley impersonates her father after a long night of drinking.

things i love wednesday: the stump finally fell off

2009-07-08T11:16:00.002-07:00

last night langley finally let go of her umbilical cord stump. she held onto the damn thing for 23 days. at last, no more scratches on her tiny little thighs from that big, ugly cord. and no more watching the gears turn in my husband's head while he tries to figure out if he could pull the thing off without me knowing.

she never stood a chance

2009-07-07T15:27:00.000-07:00

it has already begun...

random photo monday: responding to the arrival of the baby

2009-07-06T14:17:00.003-07:00

somebody thinks she isn't getting nearly enough attention now that the babydog has arrived...never mind the fact that teagan has never thought she's gotten enough attention.

things i love wednesday: baby monitors and swimming pools

2009-07-01T07:15:00.003-07:00

twice in the past week, langley has let me swim for about 20 minutes, and i just adore her for it. sure, the folks at the hospital told me not to swim or take baths for four to six weeks, but i'm working under the impression that they were just spreading old wives' tales because i couldn't go another day without floating or bathing.

the boognish chronicles: part 9

2009-06-30T15:22:00.004-07:00

june 29-30, 2009 (yes, it takes two days to write to you now)

dear little boognish,

well, i guess i did you a bit of a disservice by not writing when i meant to a couple of weeks ago, because somebody got a little impatient and decided to be born four weeks early. you turned two weeks old on sunday, and you’re already so different from the day you were born that i think the next thing we know, you’ll be heading off to college in the car that we bought you to try to make you like us again after you decided we were horrible people because we wouldn’t let you date a 42-year-old tattoo artist fresh out of san quentin. in the meantime, i’ll tell you the story of how you came into the world to two very surprised parents who now spend every day wondering what life was like before you were in it.

tuesday, june 9, i had a “lady exam” with our doctor, and he told me i was already dilating and that you were “really far down there,” which all sounded to me like you were dangerously close to being born. he assured me that no, it was highly unlikely that i would deliver you much earlier than your due date of july 11. sweet, i thought. i’m going shopping. and i did - saturday, june 13, which, by the way, meant a 4-hour round trip to vegas. (as i typed that last sentence, you let out a noise of what i call mount vesuvius erupting from your bassinet in the kitchen. yeah, that’s right - i just let the whole internet know about the things you do in your diaper. tell that to your therapist.)

anyway, i drove to the vegas area to exchange some car seat bases and shop around a bit, and i was gone from about noon till about 7 pm. when i got home, i made myself a huge bowl of pasta and settled in for the night in front of the tv with my computer and your papa. at about 9 pm, i reached across the room to show your dad a picture on the computer, and i thought i had peed my pants. embarrassed, i practically threw the laptop at him and ran to the bathroom, thinking i had reached the point in the pregnancy of being completely incontinent, and i was not pleased. once in the bathroom, i realized that the fluid flowing out of me was bloody, and i started bawling. i had just been assured that you were not coming early, so my thought was the only other option was that i was losing you. your dad rushed in and tried to calm me down, and then he ran off to find the doctor’s pager number, which i had only just received during our last appointment. a lightbulb went off in my head, and i just started yelling across the house, “bloody show! bloody show! i don’t remember what it is or when it’s supposed to happen, but this could be bloody show!” yeah, papa didn’t really understand what the hell i was talking about, and i was pretty sure i was a terrible person for not more fully reading all the books that were so readily at hand in our house.

we got the doctor on the phone, and your dad talked to him for what seemed like forever, while i sat on the toilet crying and trying to stop leaking long enough to figure out what the hell we were doing. the doctor said, “yeah, she could be in labor. you should go to the hospital and they’ll do a test.” realizing that you were quite likely making an appearance soon, i did my best to pull myself together and told your dad i had to brush my teeth before we went anywhere. (you’ll eventually learn that i have an abnormal love of brushing my teeth, so this was a completely appropriate response to “hey lady, you’re about to give birth and should get your fat ass to the hospital immediately.”) during this entire process, your dad and i kept looking at each other going, “no, this isn’t happening right now. we have four weeks! we’re not ready for this!” apparently, you didn’t care about our needs though...

we worked our way out of the house and made it over to the hospital by about 9:15 - one of the perks of living only a mile from the place. i stood in the emergency room trying to keep people from noticing the rivers of fluid running down my legs while we waited for someone from the OB ward to collect me in a wheelchair and take us upstairs. they put me in a hospital gown and into a bed surrounded by scary looking equipment, and they did some kind of bizarre litmus test to determine that i, in fact, was in labor. again, your dad and i just stared at each other with these completely terrified eyes, saying “holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.” i told the nurse i didn’t think things actually happened this way - the whole dramatic water-breaking-unexpectedly thing. i didn’t even feel any contractions or have any other indications that this was about to happen. inside though, i figured it was probably a good thing that everything went so fast and furious because, i gotta tell you kid, i was totally terrified of the delivery process, and this course of events made it so i didn’t really have the time to think about anything.

the nurse also checked to see how dilated i was, and she told me i was at 2 cm, which was what the doc had written during my exam as well apparently. i had no idea i could feel absolutely nothing different about my body when this process would start. i was hooked up to machines that showed me when i was having contractions, but i didn’t feel those either, which was just crazy to me. in fact, i didn’t feel them at all until after midnight, and they didn’t become at all uncomfortable until around 5 or 6 am sunday.

so there we were, just your dad and me, hanging out in a delivery room, watching tv and dealing with the arduous process of taking a bunch of medical instruments with me into the bathroom every half hour because, oh yes, you were still making me pee constantly, only now i had to do it with an IV uncomfortably inserted into my arm. every time i moved to try to get comfortable on that god-forsakenly-unforgiving bed, the monitors would lose your heartbeat and set off an alarm that would beep continuously until the nurse came in to reset it and find you again. finally she had to insert a monitor directly inside me and attach it to your head, which i have to tell you was neither a pleasant nor entirely clear process. at least that made it so our alarm wouldn’t go off, but it didn’t keep the alarms from other women in labor from going off on the screen, so we had to listen to those well into the morning. i was able to drift in and out of sleep sometimes, but with my ass constantly falling asleep, none of my rest was very fitful.

my progress was checked around 6 am, and we were told that i was far enough along that i could get the heavenly epidural around 8 am when the anesthesiologist would be in. i think the part i was looking forward to the most was the fact that i would need a catheter once i had the epidural, which meant i would no longer have to drag IV equipment to the bathroom. the doctor came in around 8:15 and proceeded to torture me for a good 15 or 20 minutes. he had to stick me four times because he kept getting bloody taps when trying to thread the epidural catheter into my spine, and after the third try, mama started cussing. this did not please the nurse or the doctor, and i didn’t care. i was bawling and my feet looked like sausages from hanging over the edge of the bed for so long. the process itself wasn’t really painful, just a bit uncomfortable, but the doctor kept saying things like “uh oh” and “that’s not good,” and your dad and i were both about to shove a chair up his ass to get across the point that these are not phrases one should utter when dealing with soon-to-be parents. i finally told the guy he needed to stop dicking around with the damn thing and either make it work or start talking to me about other pain management options. apparently that did it, because the guy finally got everything to work properly. instantly, i felt no more contractions, and i was much happier, although if i see that doctor on the street, he should probably stay as far away from me as possible.

at 11:15 am, i was told i was at about 6 cm and that i would probably deliver you around 3 pm. i sent this message on to all my friends, and your gran came by the hospital to see us for a bit. i started to feel pressure in my lower back and butt, and since i had been told to let the nurse know if i felt like i needed to “go to the bathroom” (and you know what i mean when i put it in quotes), i called her in to let her know i thought i would need to get up. she didn’t seem to think that was the issue, and within a few minutes, she explained to us that we would be having our baby very, very soon. this bewildered me for two reasons: 1) i thought we had hours yet. it was only about noon, and i had just been told you would probably be arriving around 3 pm; and 2) i really thought i probably needed to poop, and i just didn’t want to be one of the many women who poops while giving birth. i really did not. the nurse did not seem to care.

the doctor came into our room at about 12:15 and quickly met your gran before we ushered her into the waiting area, and i was told that i was about to start pushing. this is when we all learned that your mama probably should have taken just one birthing class, because apparently i don’t listen to a long list of instructions very well. i was told to hold the bed handles in a certain way, to breathe a certain way, to start pushing at a certain time during a contraction, to hold it for so long, to take a breath and push again, and on and on. i just looked at the nurse like, “um, yeah, i’m gonna need the remedial version of that.” i made the first push, and the doctor walked away afterward, saying “yeah, it’s gonna be a bit yet.” the next thing i knew, though, he was being called back in, and i was pushing, and independence day was on the television, and i was noticing that jeff goldblum was on the screen above the head of my doctor who greatly resembles jeff goldblum, and i thought that was pretty funny, and then you were born at 12:33 pm. i kid you not, it happened that fast and that…surreal.

there you were, all purple and instantly crying, which was a huge relief, and your dad helped to cut the cord, and then you were on a table next to me being cleaned up, and i just looked at you like you were this alien lifeform that had suddenly materialized in the room because surely you couldn’t have been born yet. it was too fast! it was too...easy. yes, i said it. it was too easy. and i don’t mean that it wasn’t difficult at all, that it wasn’t uncomfortable. i certainly don’t recommend childbirth as a suitable alternative activity to listening to jazz in the park on a saturday afternoon. but you were just ready to be born, and you did an amazing job of it. i was mostly along for the ride. minutes after not understanding what the hell i was supposed to be doing, you were lying in my arms, all red-lipped and shivering and swollen-eyed. you were perfect and amazing and beautiful, and mama and papa could not be happier or more proud of you...and of us for bringing you into the world.

love,

mamadog

p.s. yes, i pooped. i am not ashamed. you're worth it.

random photo monday: pure sweetness

2009-06-29T12:26:00.002-07:00

it's a wonder i get anything done around the house at all these days...

things i love wednesday: our sun goddess

2009-06-24T12:48:00.001-07:00

babydog loves her sun naps.

random photo monday: bright light, bright light

2009-06-22T07:16:00.004-07:00

bryan took a photo of langley lying on my chest the other day, and she immediately did this to react to the flash:

so of course he took another picture, just to torture her...

how to swaddle a baby

2009-06-19T14:24:00.003-07:00

so, i've learned that i can't swaddle worth a damn, and i sought out some video demonstrations to help me get better. (for the record, bryan rocks at it.) my favorite part of this video? "otherwise, she escapes!" sounds like we're putting babies on lockdown.

champagne thursday: toast #42

2009-06-18T14:04:00.002-07:00

i know it's totally not a feat of great proportions, but i just have to document that i am feeling extremely proud of myself and my daughter for mama's milk coming in. yes, that is too much information, but i don't care. i feel like i can calm down a bit, and that's a good thing. plus, i can go back to the hospital and laugh in the faces of all those nursery nurses who kept hovering over me telling me i was doing things wrong. and really, this is all about revenge.

things i love wednesday: little surprises

2009-06-17T07:46:00.000-07:00

langley piper whitney decided to arrive way ahead of schedule. the story will be told later, but she was born sunday, june 14 at 12:33 pm, weighing in at 6 lbs, 14 oz, and she's 19 inches long. she's in perfect health, and we all came home monday afternoon. the dogs are thrilled, and really, isn't that all that matters?

things i love wednesday: the male interpretation of pregnancy sympathy

2009-06-10T09:57:00.003-07:00

yesterday, i had my first physical exam since early in the pregnancy - which my doctor refuses to refer to as anything other than my lady exam - and this is an exact quote from the OB:

wow, the baby's really far down there, just about right between your legs. that can't be comfortable.

no shit, doc.

random photo monday: anicca plays shy

2009-06-08T07:56:00.002-07:00

one of my best friends traveled all the way from ohio for our baby shower last month, and then she hid in the mountains of tissue paper created by our fast and furious unwrapping that day. she really is such a timid little thing...

champagne thursday: toast #41

2009-06-04T08:09:00.000-07:00

i thought it was bad when banks were reporting accidental releases of people's financial information and the military accidentally released social security numbers, but this is just stinkin' awesome. gold star, folks!

things i love wednesday: puppy love

2009-06-03T11:57:00.002-07:00

my mom is out of town for the week, so we're taking care of her new puppy, and in the process, we have learned that four dogs is probably our saturation point. still, it's damn cute when you walk in on this:

34 weeks

2009-06-02T10:38:00.007-07:00

dear little boognish,

saturday was the beginning of our 34th week together, and even though the day we meet you is now tantalizingly close, this whole pregnancy thing is really starting to wear on your mamadog. even forgetting the constant constipation, the still-hanging-in-there-even-though-it’s-less-frequent headache and the months of being unable to unwind with a nice tall glass of guinness, we still have to deal with the hourly pee alarms in the middle of the night, which are becoming far more difficult now that i have to actually roll myself off the bed. add to that the stress that the OB has imposed on our lives, and i’m about ready to fly to africa, leaving modern civilization and the need to wear clothes other than flowing robes far, far behind me.

first, the good stuff. we had your baby shower a couple of weeks ago, and you are a popular chick. you already have more clothes than i do (at least, clothes that fit me). our house is a daily dropoff site for delivery men, which is really awesome to deal with, given that you have five furry brothers and sisters, all of whom go completely apoplectic whenever anyone gets anywhere near our front door. still, i’m trying to put a positive spin on it because i figure they’re just practicing for when they have to protect you from all the scary noises and infiltrating strangers of the world.

as we’re starting to feel more and more prepared for your arrival (okay, somewhat prepared...yeah, not prepared at all, but at least we have all the right furniture ready for you), our doctor is trying to systematically break down every last ounce of sanity we have left, and trust me, honey, it was not something we possessed in surplus in the first place.

it started with our second ultrasound, after which the doctor told us my amniotic fluid was a little low, which, oh by the way, could mean the baby has no kidneys, but don’t worry! we’re sure everything is just fine! and it turned out that everything was fine, according to the next ultrasound. then we had the glucose test, which apparently came back “borderline,” meaning i could have gestational diabetes. so we did the three-hour glucose test, and the doctor says, oh everything is fine! no worries! looks like the rest of this pregnancy is just going to sail by! then i get a phone call telling me i need to come in for twice weekly nonstress tests. and what are those for? pregnancies that are high risk. people with low amniotic fluid. people with gestational diabetes. so i ask, why do i need these tests when i was just told three days ago that everything is going great? just to be extra careful, doc says. okay. so i go in for the first test, and i hear the medical assistant tell someone that the reason i’m doing these tests is because my three-hour glucose test came back borderline. awesome! thanks for the info! remember when you guys all told me everything was just swell? yeah, it was like, i don’t know, yesterday?? after the first test, they told me we passed with flying colors, so i’m sure that in a couple of days i’ll get a phone call saying i need to come in three times a week or something.

i really don’t mind the doctor being overly cautious. i want him to be overly cautious. i just need him to be a little more upfront, just a bit more informative - you know, without trying to terrify us into thinking that our baby is going to be born with horns, a tail and no kidneys. i’m just telling you this because one day, a long, long time from now, you’re going to be awaiting the arrival of your own baby, and i just want you to know that i will not fault you if you decide to go the old school route and stay the hell away from doctors’ offices and all their urine-collecting, parent-scaring ways.

i know that you and i are doing just fine, and i’m going to try my best to not let these people make me completely crazy. and if i fail at that, i have your daddy here to beat the crap out of them.

love,

mamadog

random photo, er, video monday: behold the power of a pool

2009-05-31T21:59:00.004-07:00

champagne thursday: toast #40

2009-05-28T12:16:00.002-07:00

i have to say i'm incredibly impressed with my husband's ramp-building skills. i really didn't think he was going to end up with anything nearly this structurally sound, and i certainly didn't think the ramp itself would make the dogs this damn happy. kudos to you, my love.

things i love wednesday: snuggles of love

2009-05-27T12:34:00.003-07:00

our friend michelle (she runs jack & ginger) sent us this awesome blanket for the baby, and she managed to match it to langley's room perfectly = we love her. you can find these blankets and lots of other fun baby stuff at snuggles of love on etsy.

random photo monday: feat of engineering

2009-05-25T13:43:00.002-07:00

i just want to preface this photo by saying that when i told bryan we would have to build a little frame for the baby's changing pad to sit in on top of her dresser, he looked at me like i was completely out of my mind, and i'm pretty sure he told me we should consult a professional.

now, look at this:

we're adding something to our yard that i will post here in a week or so, and in preparation, bryan decided to build this ramp i like to call "serious overkill." he's doing a great job, but the fact that this project seems so reasonable to him while nailing three pieces of wood together to build a changing pad frame was mind boggling is absolutely hilarious to me.

champagne thursday: toast #39

2009-05-21T13:48:00.002-07:00

after witnessing the barrage of people and gifts at our baby shower last weekend, i think it's official that this langley chick is a bit more popular than her parents...

random photo monday: people are on to us

2009-05-18T07:58:00.002-07:00

one of our lovely friends gave us this bag at our baby shower this weekend, and i think it's just fantastic that people are encouraging us to be as strange as we are...

things i love wednesday: this onesie

2009-05-13T12:40:00.002-07:00

one of my friends sent me this onesie (available at stylish organic living) the other day, and it is hands down the best piece of clothing langley now owns.

random photo monday: warning signs

2009-05-11T13:27:00.003-07:00

this was just one of the warning signs posted on the pontoon boat we rented on lake havasu when my friend was visiting last weekend. i especially liked that each sign warned of the possibilities of killing someone and/or going to jail, even when the activity against which the sign warned was unlikely to result in either outcome.

champagne thursday: toast #38

2009-05-07T07:52:00.002-07:00

ah, kiefer. you always make me smile. are you a bit too old to be head-butting fashion designers? sure, but you gotta give the people what they want, and what they want is to see a middle-aged man make a mockery of himself on a regular basis. kudos, mr. sutherland.

things i love wednesday: madness

2009-05-06T06:56:00.000-07:00

if people don't calm the hell down pretty soon, this is going to be the boognish's first onesie:

detail:

(created by me at makeaonesie.com)

cinco de mayo's on tuesday

2009-05-05T17:11:00.001-07:00

today has been brought to you by the band ween:

Buenas Tardes Amigo
Hola, my good friend
Cinco de Mayo's on Tuesday
And I hoped we'd see each other again
You killed my brother last winter
You shot him three times in the back
In the night I still hear mama weeping
Oh mama, still dresses in black
I looked at every fiesta
For you I wanted to greet
Maybe I'd sell you a chicken
With poison interlaced with the meat
You...you look like my brother
Mama loved him the best
He was head honcho with the ladies
Mama always said he was blessed
The village all gathered around him
They couldn't believe what they saw
I said it was you that had killed him
And that I'd find you and upstand the law
The people of the village believed me
Mama...she wanted revenge
I told her that I'd see that she was honored
I'd find you and put you to death

So now...now that I've found you
On this such a joyous day
I tell you it was me who killed him
But the truth I'll never have to say
Buenas tardes amigo
Hola, my good friend
Cinco de Mayo's on Tuesday
And I hoped we'd see each other again
Yes, I hoped we'd see each other again

random photo monday: bronson wants to be a pregnant lady

2009-05-04T12:19:00.003-07:00

bronson looooves snoogle time after mama gets up in the morning.

the boognish chronicles: part 8

2009-05-01T17:25:00.002-07:00

29 weeks as of last saturday, and oy, do i feel this damn kid now. seriously though, it is awesome now that my husband can feel all of her little punches and kicks. and it's nice that people now clearly recognize that i am in fact pregnant and not just heading to a weight watchers meeting.

(yeah, i totally had to blur and doctor my surroundings in this photo so you people wouldn't be quite as horrified by the sty we've been living in lately.)

champagne thursday: toast #37

2009-04-30T09:21:00.002-07:00

yesterday, while hunting for furniture for a client, i found my perfect dining room table FINALLY. and then my lovely husband had it delivered a few hours later as a surprise, and i fell over, i was so happy. yes, i am the quintessential 50s housewife.

things i love wednesday: impossible packaging instructions

2009-04-29T21:13:00.002-07:00

so this post is really late because today is my 30th birthday, and dear sweet lord, has it been the most hectic day ever, starting with a circus of a court hearing and ending with our garage filling up with items we've purchased to furnish a formerly homeless client's new digs. all of that has left me time only for this:

can anyone tell me how the hell to open a fully taped box WITHOUT a sharp object? because i tried all kinds of soft objects, like cotton balls, and i'm thinking a blunt object, like a hammer, would probably lead to some terrible results...

random photo monday: papadog's so proud

2009-04-27T15:00:00.003-07:00

look at how happy this poor guy is that for ONCE, just ONCE, something wasn't incredibly difficult to put together.

things i love wednesday: ugh, with the birthday

2009-04-22T15:49:00.002-07:00

i do not love anything about today. it is the last wednesday i will ever be under 30 years old. that is a tragedy. and did i mention i can't drink away the last days of my 20s thanks to the boognish?? TRAGEDY, i tell you.

the boognish chronicles: part 7

2009-04-17T09:32:00.002-07:00

we're at 27 weeks as of last saturday, and let's just say i'm starting to get a little less comfortable with the whole expanding thing.