29x365: #80 walter

you were my first real crush. we were in choir together. you sent me a love poem that was filled with louis armstrong references. i probably still have it.

make the list at x365.

29x365: #79 janelle

you gave me all these little earrings for christmas, and they were so cheap, but you had next to nothing and still thought of me. it made me cry.

make the list at x365.

29x365: #78 tara

you were my brother’s girlfriend’s sister, and because you were a bit older than me, i thought you were the coolest person i’d ever met. pretty sure you weren’t.

make the list at x365.

29x365: #77 craig

you were the one boy that always ended up at my birthday parties. you were basically my third brother. i saw you after high school, and it was bizarre.

make the list at x365.

29x365: #76 felicia

the only reason i hung out with you when we were little was because you lived barely a mile away, while everyone else lived much farther. sad, but true.

make the list at x365.

29x365: #75 angela b.

we were friends from the days of our first periods through our first boyfriends, through senior spring break in the woods, through driving to jersey with a pepsi can.

make the list at x365.

29x365: #74 maureen

you were buffy to my phoebe, my fellow language nazi, my radio station-calling friend. we stole spoons from finale. i’m glad we got to see each other again recently.

make the list at x365.

29x365: #73 amanda a.

we were caught in the middle of that whole ugly grunge thing together, and i think most of our friendship was played out entirely with flannels around our waists.

make the list at x365.

the bionic son returns

last tuesday, i took bronson to vegas for a veterinary consult concerning whether he should have his right hip replaced. we decided to do it, and bronson had the surgery the next day. he was supposed to stay until saturday, when we would be able to drive out and bring him home. on the way, we got a phone call telling us that bronson had managed to break his femur on the same leg that had just received an exorbitantly expensive replacement hip. we kept driving so we could visit with him, and then we drove back home. he had another surgery monday to fix the broken bone and reposition the hip replacement. yesterday, we were finally able to bring our boy home. and this is what that looked like:it is my contention that bronson was not satisfied with his level of bionic-ness after the first surgery, and he therefore broke his leg on purpose, just so he would look like this:

holy hell, i can't stop laughing...

...at these two comments left on dooce's post about sarah palin yesterday:

why do people keep saying that mccaine (sic) was such a good soldier?? he was captured, how good could he have been if he got caught?

i'd rather wake up on fire than have that woman in office.

champagne thursday: toast #20

ah, john mccain. you're such an ass. here's the news, sir: um, you're not actually in any kind of a position to sort out this economic catastrophe, so all this nonsense about you "suspending" your campaign so you can focus on this "crisis" (oy, do people love that word) is a bunch of malarkey. i think david letterman said it best.

things i love wednesday: misguided political ads

the other day we received this lovely mailer from some political organization, wanting us to show our support for prop 102, which apparently is a proposition intent on amending the arizona constitution to ban gay marriage. yeah. because anyone who knows me knows that this is totally something i would support. because i definitely think it's appropriate to include constitutional amendments regulating who people can marry. please.
anyway, these people made the mistake of sending out these little reply cards, ostensibly so folks could cast such ridiculous votes early. and these little reply cards looked just like this:you see that little "postage paid" note up there in the corner? don't send these things to me and expect me not to use them:
(if this picture won't open up in a new window, what i wrote was: "before you send these out to people, you should probably do some research & send them only to ridiculously stupid, unthinking, asinine folk - you know, people like yourselves. anyone who believes it's appropriate to allow government to decide who should and should not marry should probably direct their attention to more important matters, like making it illegal for horrible, ignorant assholes like you to breed & raise future generations of bigots." i think you can probably read the last part.)

29x365: #72 shane

i was really happy when you finally broke up with that awful, anal retentive chick. until i realized you were going to spend the next year hitting on me.

make the list at x365.

29x365: #71 dana l.

you are some kind of crazy french canadian bastard. bartender, race car driver, hockey player, and one really bad chinese speaker. i take you downtown and kick your ass.

make the list at x365.

29x365: #70 rob d.

i don’t think you will ever quit that damn job. and i kind of hope you don’t, because you are far too hilarious to work at a desk forever.

make the list at x365.

29x365: #69 rob s.

you were a bizarre and fantastic boss. i was sad to move away. you sent the most amazing arrangement for my dad, and i’m grateful to have known you.

make the list at x365.

29x365: #68 brian g.

for as long as i’ve known angie, you’ve been in her life. i couldn’t think of a better partner for her. you even have a closet that rivals hers.

make the list at x365.

29x365: #67 brian d.

i was the first person you’d dated since your divorce and subsequent extreme weight loss. you showed me your old suits. you talked to me about stereo equipment. oy.

make the list at x365.

29x365: #66 hippie dan

you were the last guy i dated before i exclusively dated bryan. i kind of felt bad, but then, you lived in a hovel with three other dirty guys.

make the list at x365.

head buried in sand: do not disturb

today and basically this whole week is a complete nightmare full of obligations i have made that i am now realizing will take way more energy and effort than i first estimated. it is quite likely that no one will be hearing from me for quite some time. enjoy this brief respite!

more tales from st. kitts

this is what happens when you and your friends take a 6-hour catamaran trip.

actually, this is what happens after you take a 6-hour catamaran trip after drinking all night the night before, to the point that you didn't think you would be able to drink on the cat trip, but then you conquer that mountain, and you conquer it with rum punch and stag beer, and then you lay around on a beach on nevis for a few hours, pet a monkey and pirate a beach shack to escape the rain, all while still drinking the rum punch and stag, and then you get back on the boat and sing paul revere at the tops of your lungs even though it is most certainly not on the radio, and then you get into the car, and you put paul revere on the radio and sing it at the tops of your lungs, much to the chagrin of the terrified island folk, and then you go to the grocery store, because obviously you need more alcohol even though you still have cups of rum punch in your hot little hands:

i don't know how barb got not just one, but three of these photos taken before ram's duty free decided perhaps we should not have put a small woman into our shopping cart and started careening around the store...

champagne thursday: toast #19

i have to give it to this guy for singlehandedly trying to bring back every bad piece of fashion he can find...including one of the more awesome mullets i have seen in a long time:

the photo is not the greatest quality because i was taking it ever so surreptitiously outside the san juan airport.

post script: only moments after taking this, a beautiful, brand new bentley pulled up in front of me, and i thought the dichotomy was quite amusing.

commence ridiculous feminist remarks

here's the story: the phrase about "lipstick on a pig" is an old one, and it generally has nothing to do with women or anti-feminism or whatever. it's true - i promise. yet videos of barack's comments will always draw comments about how he must hate women and sarah palin in particular.

kind of reminds me of that horrible woman from the apprentice...oy, i can't remember her name...actually, it makes me really happy that i can't remember her name, because i know she was some kind of awful attention whore. in any case, somebody made a comment about "the pot calling the kettle black," which made this woman completely lose her shit, saying it was a racist remark. yeah. settle down, folks.

things i love wednesday: photos that suggest awful things

the husband and i went to st. kitts for 10 days to visit his sister and to celebrate our two-year anniversary. many strange and wonderful and fun events took place, and even a couple of not-so-fun events (e.g., pirated directionals), and i'm sure i'll be posting some of those things here in the days and weeks to come. but this one just had to come first:

i made my sister-in-law take this photo because, holy cow, if it doesn't look like this child is bellying up to the bar and asking for another round. i think i might have to make this into a birthday card someday...

from ass troll to my new favorite man in america...er, the UK

the husband and i actually tivo'd the VMAs last night, hoping to see more wreckage from the britney train. when this russell brand character walked out to host the show, i asked, "who the hell is this ass troll?!" but then, he said a million things that made both of us love him. particularly about W being a retarded cowboy.

i think my favorite recap of the night came from the LA times:

The 2008 VMAs were poised to mark the return of Britney Spears. Instead, they will go down in history as the night when that English guy from Forgetting Sarah Marshall almost made the Jonas Brothers cry.

29x365: #65 hippie

i think we all met you at some frat party. you introduced my whole floor to the upside down margarita. it was not a pretty night...or morning after.

make the list at x365.

29x365: #64 erin b.

you were a ballerina who lived on my floor, and somehow you started dating my ex. i don’t think he actually realized we lived so close to each other.

make the list at x365.

29x365: #63 sarah c. from college

we had kind of become friends in high school, but by midway through freshman year of college, i just hated you. you were pretty dumb and not very nice.

make the list at x365.

champagne thursday: toast #18

oh, kwame. how i miss thee. i don't think this one needs any further explanation.