Thursday, April 24, 2008

old safeway, or why bossy must come to my town

today i discovered that my unfettered love for the new safeway in my town shall henceforth be known as my unfettered love for the OLD safeway in my town. but, i should start at the beginning, because my new love is so exciting that i just can't resist letting the people person + self who reads this blog savor every moment of my discovery.

there are two safeways in my town and, since i first moved here, i have religiously attended the services that the newer safeway provides. EXCEPT on sunday mornings, as safeway apparently sees fit to deprive me of my right to purchase alcohol prior to 10 AM, and really, what else do i really need before 10 AM besides alcohol?

old safeway's offerings are perfectly conducive to the buying habits of the ordinary consumer, but shiny-fancy-pretty new safeway is way more in tune with my desire to further elevate myself from the average resident. and honestly, if you take judgmental and elitist out of my daily vocabulary, i will just shrivel up and die. (my husband says old safeway is a little 'to, which i'm told is some kind of slang for ghetto, but i don't listen to gangsta rap, so i can't quite be sure.)

but now, on to my discovery, a.k.a. why i may never shop at new safeway again: old safeway has a checker who looks just like john cusack. and yes, i did just say checker, just like i would if i were a 90-year-old bingo-playing grandmother in wisconsin. deal with it. the important thing is THIS GUY LOOKS JUST LIKE JOHN EFFING CUSACK! but john cusack when he was in better off dead, not so much john cusack when he was in the ice harvest...although john cusack has apparently made a pact with the devil, wherein he ages only one year for every 10 or 15, so the two are very similar.

and THEN, as if the stars had all suddenly aligned and were shining down upon me, i heard THIS on my way home...okay, so i made that part up because i was actually listening to this, but in my head, it was peter gabriel all the way.

so, adios new safeway. i have a date with the guy standing outside my window with a giant boombox while talking to anthony michael hall about my underwear and directing planes into the airport with billy bob thornton.

um, p.s., can anyone tell me why blogger likes to arbitrarily change the leading in my posts? because i'm about to have an obsessive compulsive freakout.