Tuesday, December 30, 2008

things i learned by watching way too much biography channel over the weekend

1. most people who end up famous put on variety shows for their families after dinner. these people scare me.

2. just because you were once on a show with someone who later went on to become mega-talented and mega-famous, you do not get to take any responsibility for that person's success. i'm looking at you, alan thicke.

3. i'm very concerned about middle-aged people obsessing about the love lives of teenagers. seriously, where did your careers go wrong?

4. if you work for parade magazine, chances are you wear far too many mismatching articles of clothing and accessories. blouse + jacket + tie + feathered hair + lapel pin = bleeechhhh.

5. the shamwow really is as fantastic as that spiky-haired guy makes it sound. i swear.

Monday, December 29, 2008

random photo monday: epic battle

here, bronson proves that he can also watch tv while attempting to destroy the kittendog. such a good little multi-tasker.

Monday, December 22, 2008

random photo monday: jersey shore

i'm only posting this photo because it reminds me that it will once again be warm outside...eventually. but, this scene also kind of ticks me off right now, since it also reminds me that i moved far away from my jersey-then-indiana roots to arizona, where i thought it would be warm all the time, and it is currently freezing outside and there is snow in the forecast...again.

Friday, December 19, 2008

ok, seriously

i know i've talked about this before, but come on, people. stop encouraging the overpopulation problem. i'm looking at you, duggar family. as if it wasn't not bad enough that you already had 17 kids, or that TLC saw fit to glamorize this dire situation by giving you people a television show, such that you now have your own public relations overseers, you keep freaking, well, freaking, and even now, after 18 children, you still want more. form a support group with angelina jolie, people. move far away and start your own country. and for god's sake, name a child with a letter other than J.

and jim bob? please close your mouth and breathe through your nose.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

champagne thursday: toast #31

since we're telling everyone else now, i guess it's time to announce to the internet that the husband and i are expecting...and no, it's not a dog, a cat, or even a goat, although i'm sure my husband will continue to campaign for that one. so, there will be no real champagne for me until sometime after july 16. what's worse - no guinness for me until then either. it's like a real life episode of survivor in my house.

and ps, that is the meaning behind the fruit-based masthead this month. every week, i get an update on what kind of seed or bean or fruit my growing child has just become, and it is a little creepy, don't you think?

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

things i love wednesday: products you just know were developed by men

as annoying as the ads on facebook are (seriously with the acai berries already...if it's a diet product endorsed by oprah, i don't freaking want it), sometimes they are pure gold. like this one for candles. but not just any candles. candles that smell like strippers and beer...and urinal cakes. because all guys can ever talk about after using a public restroom is how great the urinal cakes smell. honestly, these things kind of make my skin crawl. and therefore, i will be buying them for everyone i know for christmas.

Monday, December 15, 2008

random photo monday: puerto rico is scary

so, we're having some drinks at a bar in old san juan during a ridiculously long layover in puerto rico on our way to st. kitts back in august. i go to use the restroom, and this is what i find inside. i don't know what this door's purpose is, but i would bet it is not something that would be considered legal on the mainland...

Thursday, December 11, 2008

champagne thursday: toast #30

this week's toast goes out to ME, because, i don't know if you know this, but everything's coming up roses lately. got word the other day that i passed a little thing called the MPRE, which means that all i have to do now is sit back and wait for the arizona bar to shuffle some paperwork, and little old me will actually be a fully licensed attorney (one with extremely bad grammar today, apparently). of course, i won't mention that i graduated from law school three years ago to the week...that's just superfluous information...

Monday, December 8, 2008

random photo monday: fun at the office

when we first got the kittendog, we took her to work most days because she was tiny and cute and we couldn't bear the thought of the dogbeasts possibly devouring her while we were away. of course, these days, we leave her at home, marinated in beef broth and covered with meaty bone breadcrumbs, hoping the dogs will take care of the evil minion of the underworld. but, there was a time when we just couldn't get enough of the fuzzy little hellcat, which was when i took this picture of her. she used to climb on top of my desk and sleep under my computer, in a spot dubbed the "catport" by my mother, aka our office assistant extraordinaire.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

champagne thursday: toast #29

i'm not really sure why every show i love has to be canceled, but apparently, i am a curse to television. at least boston legal, easily the smartest and funniest show currently on tv, is going out with their usual style. the husband and i nearly passed out laughing last night watching this week's episode, full of self-deprecating remarks, shots at network executives and fourth wall comments. absolutely the greatest show that has been on tv in years, and once again, i ruined it for everybody with my apparent kiss of death. sadpants.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

things i love wednesday: change of plea day

wednesday is change of plea day in our little world, and that is probably why i talk about my favorite things on wednesdays - because, i don't know about you, but being a part of people pleading guilty to crimes is just a surefire way to put a smile on my face at 8:30 am, where surefire = not sarcastic at all.

ps, i don't know if you've met any teenagers lately, but if you haven't, let me assure you that they are even more super fabulous than you remember being at that age, where super fabulous = ugh with the bershon already.

Monday, December 1, 2008

random photo monday: postcard

i took this photo in killington the first christmas break that the husband and i were dating. looking at this picture now makes me really, really excited to not live anywhere that it snows anymore. even if it is ridiculously pretty.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

oy vey

every day, i wake up thinking, hey, i should post something today. and then i fall back asleep. then, when i wake up again, something shiny grabs my attention, and i...wait a second, where was i? right. posting will continue to be light for the next couple of weeks probably, as the whiticism family undertakes many, many home projects that i am sure will grace these pages soon. stay tuned.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

champagne thursday: toast #28

i truly do like a lot of things about the town i live in, as tiny and backwards as it might be. however, the piling up of bizarre small-town idiosyncrasies that has been going on lately is starting to make me go a little bananas. just warning everyone that i might just have to bitch slap this place into the 21st century...

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

things i love wednesday: how easy the husband is to impress

in the past few days, i have earned high praise from my husband for what i would consider extremely small feats.

first, i fried chicken. without using a deep fryer. this astounded him no end. i'm not sure how he thought people fried chicken prior to the invention of the deep fryer, but i'll take kudos where i can get them.

second, i told him to cover the edges of a pie with aluminum foil while it was in the oven, which completely blew his mind, especially when he took the pie out when it was done and realized the edges had been protected from being burned to death.

his exact words: "you're going to have so much to teach our kids!"

Monday, November 17, 2008

29x365: #116 brooke

you were nice until you started popping pills constantly, brought white trash to our apartment and stopped paying your share of the bills. then i got sick of you.

29x365: #115 todd f.

you wore really tight white shirts like you thought you were james dean, and you smelled like you took showers but never applied deodorant. i can still smell it.

29x365: #114 trevor

you seemed relatively normal until you drove to indy and thought that somehow entitled you to something. it didn’t, and i kind of hope something bad happened to you.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

champagne thursday: toast #27

i'm super excited that now that she has helped to lose her party's bid for the presidency, sarah palin is giving interviews all over the place. i was starting to miss all her stupidity folksy charm. now we can finally resume our "doggone" drinking game...

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

things i love wednesday: stupid media

i love the fact that we have a new, young, black president, and yet, the only thing the media seems to care about is what kind of puppy the first family will be getting. a google search for "obama puppy" retrieves 6,320,000 hits, and while i'm sure not all of them specifically pertain to this issue, you can bet that a good 95% of them do. it's ridiculous, not only because the country has bigger fish to fry, but also just because it has no news merit. if this were the first time a dog would be entering the white house, perhaps i could stomach a news story or two about it. but various presidential families have introduced dogs, cats and even an ass to the storied pennsylvania avenue address, and i really don't need to read any more about this particular incoming pet.

Monday, November 10, 2008

who'd have thunk it?

i never really thought anyone would link to my website, ever, but sho'nuff, here we go. i think it means i made somebody out there happy, which is, well, weird for me.

Friday, November 7, 2008

missed opportunity

how did i not know about this t-shirt before?? might have to grab a couple anyway...

Thursday, November 6, 2008

champagne thursday: toast #26

this was honestly the most incredible political speech i have ever heard. i wept openly, particularly when the cameras would focus on the completely overwhelmed african americans in the crowd. just amazing.

note: that link also includes the full transcript of the speech.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

things i love wednesday: yesterday's pivotal election

i am so proud to live in a country that did not give in to the republican party's scare tactics, racial slurs and overall stupidity. i am so proud to live in a country that has finally elected someone who isn't white to the highest office. i am so proud to live in a country that includes a blue ohio and a blue pennsylvania. and i am so proud to look forward to the trouncing that palin will surely endure should she be ridiculous enough to try to run against barack in 2012.

that said, it sickens me that arizona voters overwhelmingly voted to amend the state constitution to define marriage as between one man and one woman. how lovely that we've turned from one prejudice to another. and how appropriate that the state constitution should govern any aspect of a marriage. i am appalled.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

happy election day!

here's hoping americans have enough brain power leftover after the bush administration's prolonged death grip on our country to elect a real president, one who could actually lead us out of wars and away from our bad worldly reputation.

barack the vote!

Monday, November 3, 2008

29x365: #112 jamie w.

you were always very nice, and we spent a lot of time together as kids. i always pictured you as more of a lifelong tomboy than a future adulterer.

29x365: #113 jessica t.

we had such a blast in school, laughing all the time and spending hours and hours backstage. then we didn’t talk again until just recently, and that’s just sad.

29x365: #111 donovan

you got students banned from doing announcements after you impersonated pee-wee herman. we competed for the top grade for years. last i heard, you were running a flower shop.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

champagne thursday: toast #25

finally, somebody in this town must be seeing things my way. someone defaced a bunch of the "yes for marriage" political signs people have inundated our city streets with lately, and i must say, i'm rather relieved to realize that there must be at least one other person in this place with half a brain.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

things i love wednesday: mob wars

if you want to be productive in life and interact with the three-dimensional people, do not play mob wars on facebook. not even once. because, once you play that first time, you are instantly addicted. it is the crack cocaine of internet time suckage devices.

consider yourselves warned.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

29x365: #110 kelly

you had a friend knock on my door faking an emergency so you could get close enough to scream at me for something i didn’t do. you were awesome.

29x365: #109 smoker

we used to wakeboard together nearly every morning, and i never knew your real name. i do, however, know what a “smoker surprise” is, and it is not pretty.

29x365: #108 anna

you were the most genuinely happy person i’ve ever known. something awful happened when you were abroad, and it kills me to think you’re not the same person now.

Monday, October 27, 2008

29x365: #107 cash

i don’t remember your first name, but you were incredibly creepy. i let you talk me into dinner once, and i thought i might end up on the news.

here's hoping...

video that is probably best when viewed on acid

Peripetics by ZEITGUISED from NotForPaper on Vimeo.

29x365: #106 billy v.

wearing fishnets and dog collars and going to a friend’s prom in drag might have made anyone else a social pariah, but you remained unscathed. it was quite impressive.

29x365: #105 gene

you cut all your hair off and went from looking like michael bolton, circa 1990 to looking like michael bolton circa now. and then you kept the hair. nice.

Friday, October 24, 2008

this is so incredible

University Lipdub (HS Furtwangen) from DASKAjA on Vimeo.

in case you're interested, it's part of this project.

change is coming

jon stewart played some video clips of the presidential candidates the other night, showing things they're saying now as compared to a few months or years ago, and it was hilarious. the fact that these people don't seem to know that every word they utter is being videotaped and can be replayed at any time is astounding to me. so i looked on youtube, and i found this montage that i think sums up mccain pretty well:

Thursday, October 23, 2008

champagne thursday: toast #24

at the end of every month, the husband and i try to out-sneak each other to redo the marker board calendar on the fridge. doesn't sound very amusing, i'm sure, but we're bored, dammit. we make up some ridiculous name for the month, like septumbler or jew-lie. he won this month and wrote octubron, complete with umlauts and everything. last night, in a fit brought on by far too much wine, he drew this little picture after adding some numbers to bring the calendar into the month of november:

and that is why i love him.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

things i love wednesday: kittendoglove

so, it's a crappy photo because it was taken as surreptitiously as possible with my iphone while lounging with the dogs on the floor sea of dog beds strewn about our living room due to bronson's hip replacement. but it's damn cute:

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

29x365: #104 matt c.

you were incredibly beautiful, incredibly aware of it and incredibly stupid. sometimes i wonder if you’re still lounging on the couch all day long. probably. probably smoking pot too.

29x365: #103 neil

you were great to work with, but hanging out other than that got pretty tiresome, what with all the googly eyes and nervousness. phish in MO was fun though.

29x365: #102 sean

we extended a kind gesture to you, and then we ended up seeing far too much of you over the course of several days. look this up: overstaying welcome.

29x365: #101 nicki

i tried to like you even though your accent made me want to strangle you. but then you started putting half nude pictures of yourself on the internet. ugh.

Monday, October 20, 2008

this just makes me sad

why do i always have to live in places where my vote means squat compared to the ridiculous masses? see: this poll.

(but at least i found another use for my fruitless endeavor post tag!)

29x365: #100 gerta

you are a disgusting hosebeast. i have never met someone so intent on making everyone around them as miserable as they are, so at least you’ve excelled at something.

29x365: #99 david

you were every nerdy guy i have ever known, all grown up. you were a blast to work with, especially when we were making john’s life a living hell.

29x365: #98 colleen m.

you are absolutely hilarious. it took me awhile to get used to your mumbling and craziness, but now i miss not being able to figure out what you’re saying.

29x365: #97 nirali

i learned so much from you about design, and it has helped me tremendously. i just wish i could remember to hammer that samosa recipe out of you finally.

Friday, October 17, 2008

here's a half hour i'll never get back

the husband's parents and grandmother left yesterday after a 10-day visit. his grandmother isn't in the best of health, so much of our time was spent making sure she was okay, that she was drinking water, that she was eating enough, etc. which means much of the time, i was involved in this kind of conversation:

husband's dad: ma, how's your soup?

gma: it is just wonderful. it's got these big chunks of vegetables in here. there's potato...and carrot...and celery...

dad: well that's good.

gma: and when you bite into a carrot, it tastes like a carrot. and when you bite into a potato, you taste the potato.

dad: well that's good.

gma: it's just really wonderful. everything that came out, every plate looks just beautiful.

PS, we were at a greasy diner where the waitresses all have sweat stains on their shirts, and not just under their arms...and there are giant fake mounted fish on the walls.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

champagne thursday: toast #23

i don't even have the words to describe how awesome this is. thanks to jo!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

things i love wednesday: my cookbook

my husband had no idea what he was getting when he married me, because up until that point, the only things i really cooked for him were things i had down pat - stuffed shells, kielbasa and pierogies, etc. but thanks to a slightly older version of this cookbook, i've managed to pull off coq au vin, chicken and asparagus in a white wine sauce, a cheese souffle, steak au poivre, ratatouille and all kinds of other ridiculous stuff lately. i think he might owe my mother some money for buying me that book years ago.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

29x365: #96 shawn

i didn’t get to know you all that well, and yet, you told me way too much about your life. you brought me lunch when i jokingly demanded it.

29x365: #95 marion

you were the sweetest lady, but you told stories like most old women tell stories (read: longwinded), and everybody was annoyed by you. i always stood up for you.

29x365: #94 terry

you smelled really bad. even so, i said good morning to you every day. six months later, you introduced yourself and asked who i was. i didn’t like you.

Monday, October 13, 2008

29x365: #93 mark

you gave me a chance even though you were sure i would blow it. i’m proud that i succeeded and gained an extremely odd friend out of the deal.

29x365: #92 pam

you’re standoffish to the point that a lot people are afraid of you. i’m glad i’ve been able to break through that and see how insanely funny you are.

29x365: #91 suzanne

you’re living proof that most people from ohio are a bit strange. except that you’re a lot strange. for future reference, picking your face at work is not cool.

Friday, October 10, 2008

hell froze over today

in other words, i actually passed the frickinfrackinmothereffing bar exam. yes, yes i did. pass rate was the highest it had been in years, but i'll take what i can damn well get. commence celebratory drinking - for once, instead of drownmysorrows drinking.

i guess this will be the last time i use the "fruitless endeavors" post tag...weird.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

champagne thursday: toast #22

there is a candidate for the arizona corporation commission named paul newman. i think it's safe to say that my favorite god actor's untimely passing might be giving this guy a nice little push in the polls based on sheer name recognizability. the best part is that two other people listed with newman on one sign in my town have the last names george and kennedy. this election season only - the two leads in cool hand luke are running for office.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

things i love wednesday: arizona winds

previously, i posted some photos of what arizona monsoons look like. now, i have to show you what the winds that accompany such storms can do:

yeah, don't get a fabric and metal gazebo in arizona. this poor guy made it about 2 or 3 months before slamming against our house, while pieces of metal lay strewn around our yard.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

29x365: #90 aaron

you don’t talk all that much, but when you do, you’re usually quite hilarious. except when you are acting like a giant sad sack. which, really, is pretty often.

29x365: #89 billy w.

you are possibly the happiest person i’ve met in a long time. as long as there is pirate talk, waves, beer and handkerchiefs, you seem to be pretty stoked.

29x365: #88 kari

we used to tape our phone conversations - god knows why. we made up ridiculous stories...i think i wrote you a short book once. you were team spirit personified.

29x365: #87 lori

i think we only hung out during senior year, but we managed to do some damage in that short time. sneaking off to muncie, drinking with some random guy...

29x365: #86 jolie

i always really liked you, but i don’t think i was a very good friend to you. i wish i’d had more insight to what your life must have been like back then.

29x365: #85 missy w.

you and your siblings were the first mormons i had ever met. then i moved pretty close to colorado city. your family did not offer enough preparation for this.

Monday, October 6, 2008

29x365: #84 nick

i hated you at first. then i had to work with you every day, and somehow you kind of grew on me, like a really annoying, skinny, smart-ass fungus.

29x365: #83 karen

you lived across the creek from me, and my dad built us a bridge to make constantly crossing it easier. i miss your polish cat and your grandmother’s amazing handmade polish comforters.

29x365: #82 matt p.

you were obsessed with yetis, and your band played a song about them. we broke all kinds of rules at tecumseh while we were supposed to be supervising children.

29x365: #81 michelle

the first time i met you, i felt like i had known you forever. i’m sorry you’re leaving the island life already, but the mainland will make visiting easier.

Saturday, October 4, 2008


if mccain wins, can tina fey be VP? she has a spot-on impersonation of the moosenugget, and at least she's entertaining in a less god-should-i-feel-bad-for-making-fun-of-people-who-likely-still-eat-paste way...

Friday, October 3, 2008

i must have been watching a different debate

from yahoo news article:

The Alaska governor held her own and had a clear command of the facts.

really? really? REALLY???

Thursday, October 2, 2008

i'm confused

okay, so there are a lot of things that happened during the vice presidential debate that made me a little (read: a lot) crazy, but did anyone else notice how many times joe biden was given the question first, as compared to moosehunter whorebag sarah palin? about a half hour in, i counted seven times the question was first given to biden, while palin was given time to think about her half-assed attempt to sound sane response. in a debate, shouldn't each side have the opportunity to respond second equally? i'm just saying...

champagne thursday: toast #21

i don't think i need to explain to most people exactly how stoked i am about this. the husband will be decidedly less excited when he realizes that i've committed to spending nearly $400 on this little venture though...

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

things i love wednesday: everything by john w. golden

i found this guy on etsy a while back, and i loved his stuff. i just rediscovered him today through a link on etsy's front page, and i still want everything this guy produces. for some reason though, i just can't bring myself to buy any of it, probably because i'm afraid the husband would disown me for doing any more shopping. so, internet, take note and please buy me some of this stuff!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

29x365: #80 walter

you were my first real crush. we were in choir together. you sent me a love poem that was filled with louis armstrong references. i probably still have it.

29x365: #79 janelle

you gave me all these little earrings for christmas, and they were so cheap, but you had next to nothing and still thought of me. it made me cry.

29x365: #78 tara

you were my brother’s girlfriend’s sister, and because you were a bit older than me, i thought you were the coolest person i’d ever met. pretty sure you weren’t.

29x365: #77 craig

you were the one boy that always ended up at my birthday parties. you were basically my third brother. i saw you after high school, and it was bizarre.

29x365: #76 felicia

the only reason i hung out with you when we were little was because you lived barely a mile away, while everyone else lived much farther. sad, but true.

Monday, September 29, 2008

29x365: #75 angela b.

we were friends from the days of our first periods through our first boyfriends, through senior spring break in the woods, through driving to jersey with a pepsi can.

29x365: #74 maureen

you were buffy to my phoebe, my fellow language nazi, my radio station-calling friend. we stole spoons from finale. i’m glad we got to see each other again recently.

29x365: #73 amanda a.

we were caught in the middle of that whole ugly grunge thing together, and i think most of our friendship was played out entirely with flannels around our waists.

Friday, September 26, 2008

the bionic son returns

last tuesday, i took bronson to vegas for a veterinary consult concerning whether he should have his right hip replaced. we decided to do it, and bronson had the surgery the next day. he was supposed to stay until saturday, when we would be able to drive out and bring him home. on the way, we got a phone call telling us that bronson had managed to break his femur on the same leg that had just received an exorbitantly expensive replacement hip. we kept driving so we could visit with him, and then we drove back home. he had another surgery monday to fix the broken bone and reposition the hip replacement. yesterday, we were finally able to bring our boy home. and this is what that looked like:it is my contention that bronson was not satisfied with his level of bionic-ness after the first surgery, and he therefore broke his leg on purpose, just so he would look like this:

holy hell, i can't stop laughing...

...at these two comments left on dooce's post about sarah palin yesterday:

why do people keep saying that mccaine (sic) was such a good soldier?? he was captured, how good could he have been if he got caught?

i'd rather wake up on fire than have that woman in office.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

champagne thursday: toast #20

ah, john mccain. you're such an ass. here's the news, sir: um, you're not actually in any kind of a position to sort out this economic catastrophe, so all this nonsense about you "suspending" your campaign so you can focus on this "crisis" (oy, do people love that word) is a bunch of malarkey. i think david letterman said it best.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

things i love wednesday: misguided political ads

the other day we received this lovely mailer from some political organization, wanting us to show our support for prop 102, which apparently is a proposition intent on amending the arizona constitution to ban gay marriage. yeah. because anyone who knows me knows that this is totally something i would support. because i definitely think it's appropriate to include constitutional amendments regulating who people can marry. please.
anyway, these people made the mistake of sending out these little reply cards, ostensibly so folks could cast such ridiculous votes early. and these little reply cards looked just like this:you see that little "postage paid" note up there in the corner? don't send these things to me and expect me not to use them:
(if this picture won't open up in a new window, what i wrote was: "before you send these out to people, you should probably do some research & send them only to ridiculously stupid, unthinking, asinine folk - you know, people like yourselves. anyone who believes it's appropriate to allow government to decide who should and should not marry should probably direct their attention to more important matters, like making it illegal for horrible, ignorant assholes like you to breed & raise future generations of bigots." i think you can probably read the last part.)

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

29x365: #72 shane

i was really happy when you finally broke up with that awful, anal retentive chick. until i realized you were going to spend the next year hitting on me.

29x365: #71 dana l.

you are some kind of crazy french canadian bastard. bartender, race car driver, hockey player, and one really bad chinese speaker. i take you downtown and kick your ass.

29x365: #70 rob d.

i don’t think you will ever quit that damn job. and i kind of hope you don’t, because you are far too hilarious to work at a desk forever.

Monday, September 22, 2008

29x365: #69 rob s.

you were a bizarre and fantastic boss. i was sad to move away. you sent the most amazing arrangement for my dad, and i’m grateful to have known you.

29x365: #68 brian g.

for as long as i’ve known angie, you’ve been in her life. i couldn’t think of a better partner for her. you even have a closet that rivals hers.

29x365: #67 brian d.

i was the first person you’d dated since your divorce and subsequent extreme weight loss. you showed me your old suits. you talked to me about stereo equipment. oy.

29x365: #66 hippie dan

you were the last guy i dated before i exclusively dated bryan. i kind of felt bad, but then, you lived in a hovel with three other dirty guys.

Monday, September 15, 2008

head buried in sand: do not disturb

today and basically this whole week is a complete nightmare full of obligations i have made that i am now realizing will take way more energy and effort than i first estimated. it is quite likely that no one will be hearing from me for quite some time. enjoy this brief respite!

Friday, September 12, 2008

more tales from st. kitts

this is what happens when you and your friends take a 6-hour catamaran trip.

actually, this is what happens after you take a 6-hour catamaran trip after drinking all night the night before, to the point that you didn't think you would be able to drink on the cat trip, but then you conquer that mountain, and you conquer it with rum punch and stag beer, and then you lay around on a beach on nevis for a few hours, pet a monkey and pirate a beach shack to escape the rain, all while still drinking the rum punch and stag, and then you get back on the boat and sing paul revere at the tops of your lungs even though it is most certainly not on the radio, and then you get into the car, and you put paul revere on the radio and sing it at the tops of your lungs, much to the chagrin of the terrified island folk, and then you go to the grocery store, because obviously you need more alcohol even though you still have cups of rum punch in your hot little hands:
i don't know how barb got not just one, but three of these photos taken before ram's duty free decided perhaps we should not have put a small woman into our shopping cart and started careening around the store...

Thursday, September 11, 2008

champagne thursday: toast #19

i have to give it to this guy for singlehandedly trying to bring back every bad piece of fashion he can find...including one of the more awesome mullets i have seen in a long time:

the photo is not the greatest quality because i was taking it ever so surreptitiously outside the san juan airport.

post script: only moments after taking this, a beautiful, brand new bentley pulled up in front of me, and i thought the dichotomy was quite amusing.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

commence ridiculous feminist remarks

here's the story: the phrase about "lipstick on a pig" is an old one, and it generally has nothing to do with women or anti-feminism or whatever. it's true - i promise. yet videos of barack's comments will always draw comments about how he must hate women and sarah palin in particular.

kind of reminds me of that horrible woman from the apprentice...oy, i can't remember her name...actually, it makes me really happy that i can't remember her name, because i know she was some kind of awful attention whore. in any case, somebody made a comment about "the pot calling the kettle black," which made this woman completely lose her shit, saying it was a racist remark. yeah. settle down, folks.

things i love wednesday: photos that suggest awful things

the husband and i went to st. kitts for 10 days to visit his sister and to celebrate our two-year anniversary. many strange and wonderful and fun events took place, and even a couple of not-so-fun events (e.g., pirated directionals), and i'm sure i'll be posting some of those things here in the days and weeks to come. but this one just had to come first:

i made my sister-in-law take this photo because, holy cow, if it doesn't look like this child is bellying up to the bar and asking for another round. i think i might have to make this into a birthday card someday...

Monday, September 8, 2008

from ass troll to my new favorite man in america...er, the UK

the husband and i actually tivo'd the VMAs last night, hoping to see more wreckage from the britney train. when this russell brand character walked out to host the show, i asked, "who the hell is this ass troll?!" but then, he said a million things that made both of us love him. particularly about W being a retarded cowboy.

i think my favorite recap of the night came from the LA times:

The 2008 VMAs were poised to mark the return of Britney Spears. Instead, they will go down in history as the night when that English guy from Forgetting Sarah Marshall almost made the Jonas Brothers cry.

29x365: #65 hippie

i think we all met you at some frat party. you introduced my whole floor to the upside down margarita. it was not a pretty night...or morning after.

29x365: #64 erin b.

you were a ballerina who lived on my floor, and somehow you started dating my ex. i don’t think he actually realized we lived so close to each other.

29x365: #63 sarah c. from college

we had kind of become friends in high school, but by midway through freshman year of college, i just hated you. you were pretty dumb and not very nice.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

champagne thursday: toast #18

oh, kwame. how i miss thee. i don't think this one needs any further explanation.

Thursday, August 28, 2008


did i mention i'm in st. kitts right now? yeah, it pretty much rocks. i'm just sayin'.

Friday, August 22, 2008

aiko is 4!

today aiko turned four years old. and she is wicked happy about it:

the funniest thing is that this milestone reminds me that i have now been with my husband for 4 1/2 years, which makes this the longest relationship i have ever had. and that thought, coupled of course with my undying love for the aikodog, just puts a huge smile on my face. amazing what happens when you're with your best friend in the world. man or dog. or both.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

can't post...brain just exploded

zuma nesta rock?? are you fucking kidding me, people?

champagne thursday: toast #17

so, the husband and i leave for st. kitts sunday night, where it will be 90 degrees with about 60% humidity. every. damn. day. here's hoping we re-learn how to deal with wet air. it gets to be about 3% humidity here and we start kvetching. we are old and unable to adjust to change.

also, our thanks to our young pal who will be house/monster-sitting for us. i can't even believe we duped you into thinking that would be a good idea. hopefully you'll still be in one piece when we get back. if not, ya can't say we didn't warn you.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

things i love wednesday: bathing cats

cadence is now the second cat of my life to ever receive a bath. she is not a fan of her recent loss of bathing virginity. and i'm sure it is somewhat humiliating to be washed in a sink, but i think most humans have gone through it at some point in their lives, so why not inflict such embarrassment upon a cat?

in any case, my last cat received such baths every couple of months or as necessary for all of his 15 years, and honestly, he barely complained. sure, he'd whine when i massaged shampoo into his belly, but i really think that was more because he was shy about showing off his sizable paunch.

cadence? not so much. as soon as her feet hit the water, she tried to shoot straight up to the kitchen ceiling and to stay in that upward position during the entire excruciating three-minute process. to make things more interesting, she continually made this awful gurgling noise to the point that i thought she was slowly drowning herself somehow. turns out, she's just a drama queen. and explaining to her that it was all her fault because she was the one who had found a pen, chewed off the tip and ended up with blue ink-soaked paws.

here she is post-bath, purring her face off, yet looking indignant:

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

29x365: #62 mitch

for some reason, i think i was kind of afraid of you when i was little. i have no idea why, especially since you are such a lovely person.

29x365: #61 kerie

when i was growing up, i wanted to be just like you. even now, seeing how your daughters are turning out, i think you’re an incredible mother and person.

29x365: #60 bob

you’re a very odd little man, but nobody can help but love you. dirty mouth and a dirty mind, but you’ve always been good to me and my family.

29x365: #59 charis

you’ve done so much for me over the years, even when you really couldn’t afford it. you’re an amazing lady, and i’m sorry we don’t see each other more.

29x365: #58 lee

all of my grandparents have been gone for many years, and it’s been really enjoyable to have a new grandmother in my life, even if you are a shrimp.

29x365: #57 barbara

growing up with two brothers, i think i always harbored a secret wish to have a sister, and i really couldn’t have dreamed up a better one than you.

29x365: #56 bruce

you never cease to amaze me. i’ve never known a dad who talked the way you do. i wish you could have met my father. you’d be great friends.

29x365: #55 leslee

you immediately made me a part of your family, and i’m so grateful. we hit a little rough patch, but it’s sure to be smooth sailing from now on.

Monday, August 18, 2008

29x365: #54 barbie

you were an RA at a graphics design camp i attended in high school. you must have weighed about 400 pounds. you probably really should have gone by barbara.

29x365: #53 jason p.

trying to spend time with you was a lot like babysitting a real life version of beavis or butthead. that you didn’t set more things on fire is surely a miracle.

29x365: #52 micah

you were a frequent recipient of "the greeting," to the point that even years later, you still remember it. why you hung out with ADD boy is beyond me.

29x365: #51 emerson

you were a bizarre, almost gothic coffee shop guy, but somehow you made all the girls swoon just like they do in movies. i mostly just liked your name.

29x365: #50 truckster

you told a story about your parents conceiving you on acid during a dead show. you didn’t need to explain that. your behavior and manly face proved it well.

29x365: #49 julie m.

you got me in trouble for driving your drunk friends home, but you helped pay the fine. wish we’d stayed in touch and you’d hooked up with the marine.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

champagne thursday: toast #16

i just have to love my gmail account for the little ads that run along the top my inbox. for one, when you go to your spam folder, the ads always end up being for spam recipes, which never fails to make me laugh. for two, i was shown an ad yesterday that said "hooter hiders," and i just had to click on it to see what the hell kind of porn gmail was trying to sell me. imagine my surprise when it was actually an ad for these. i'm thinking a man came up with this name for such an innocent product.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

things i love wednesday: political signs

i saw these signs as i was leaving ikea in phoenix, and i think the picture speaks for itself. i just wish i lived there so i could vote for this guy.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

it's nice to know that other countries are sick too

this story just disgusts me. nothing like telling little girls they aren't pretty enough for their government's tastes.

29x365: #48 wendy

you were one of the sweetest girls i’ve ever met. i loved horrifying people by yelling “there’s my canadian chink!” across campus. i’m sorry we didn’t keep in touch.

29x365: #47 crazy neighbor amy

you were bipolar and you slept with aging men for ritalin, which you snorted and then made out with girls. you cased my dorm room and stole my jacket.

29x365: #46 darrin

you worked at a convenience store in bloomington. i got myself invited to your party, where I met someone who did not work at a convenience store in bloomington.

29x365: #45 todd v.

you were a pretty but boring geologist, and you were 8 years older than me. you bought me a birthday gift before we even went out. that was nice.

29x365: #44 matty west

when mia and i met you, you were wearing clown shoes and no shirt. you lived on a commune at a college in ohio. glad i dodged that bullet.

29x365: #43 kevin r.

i might have started that job because you worked there. you were a great first boyfriend, and i’m sorry you couldn’t be normal when we ran into each other.

29x365: #42 ben f.

i met you on the umphrey’s bus. we dated, and when i broke up with you, you lost your shit and almost landed a DV on your front lawn.

29x365: #41 ben d.

you were a great guy and your wife was adorable. she killed herself after baby number two, and i honestly wouldn’t know how to talk to you about it.

Monday, August 11, 2008

29x365: #40 sully

if i’d guessed which show friend would get married and have kids, i wouldn’t have picked you. you were funnier before the growing up, but we still loved ya.

29x365: #39 don

you were the most amazing friend. you went to my graduation and offered to fly my best friend to my dad’s funeral. i miss our friendship and plump’s nights.

29x365: #38 jeremy the short guy

you always hung out with us in the front row at umphrey’s. you were always happy and fun, and i’m glad i convinced you to go to g. love.

29x365: #37 lisa

you were a constant dichotomy. sweetest smile ever when you were in a good mood, then bam - you could turn into one evil bitch. i loved that about you.

29x365: #36 jason from avg. joe's

you were one of the nicest people i’d ever met, and you were there for me even when i probably didn’t deserve it. working with you was a pleasure.

29x365: #35 chad from delta faucet

i don’t even remember your last name, but i called, and you sent flowers to my dad’s funeral without even knowing where it was, and that makes you fantastic.

29x365: #34 michael from the vid

i’m still not sure if you had that birthday card on hand or if you actually remembered. i called you when my dad died and then immediately felt stupid.

Friday, August 8, 2008

everyone poops

this post is a direct shout out to furm-doggerell (his choice of names, not mine), to whom this book was given upon his high school graduation. the guy had a bit of a fascination with poop, although mostly just using the word, i think hope. anyway, here is a link to the book on amazon. for shame, all ye 1-star givers. for shame.

(although, if you have some time, check out the hidden reply to the first 1-star reviewer. that reviewer said the book left her child "confused," thinking that everything pooped, including apples. the comment left by david demarco chooses an awesome word to describe poop in an interesting, albeit slightly misused, way.)

Thursday, August 7, 2008

champagne thursday: toast #15

the husband and i aren't going to let a little thing like not having a dining room keep us down. on impulse, we bought a shiny new gazebo and dining set this past weekend, and we finished setting everything up last night during a monsoon because it was much more pleasant than trying to do it in 100 degree heat. i think it turned out lovely...and the dogs are happy to get to be outside without being in the rain, which is really the only important thing anyway.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

things i love wednesday: text messages to husband while away

an excerpt from my text conversations with my husband while i was in tucson last week:

me: i love it here. i may never leave. this place is rife with option & opportunities!

husband: you're making the dogs sad. they want their mommy to come home.

me: hahaha! too bad! i found a job and a new husband who only wants tiny dogs that do no damage to my chest cavity or groin area! see ya, suckers!

husband: fine. goodbye.

me: baby no!

husband: aiko just tackled me and said 'please, no, daddy. make her come home.'

me: awww! i love you guys. i'll come home soon. i'll tell the new husband tonight.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

29x365: #33 christian

19-year-old using a fake to get into the vid. you once wore a giant paperclip. you lost a ferret when i asked you to watch them. we stopped speaking.

29x365: #32 jeremy aka scott freeman

you made furniture and swept my mom’s floor. i told you to date my "friend" ellie. instead, you started sleeping with her behind my back. i got my tongue pierced.

29x365: #31 ellie

you almost had me convinced that punk rock had to mean smelling bad and scamming food from a soup kitchen while using student loans to buy cigarettes and drugs.

Monday, August 4, 2008

29x365: #30 matt t.

isn’t it weird how you can know someone for years, be great pals, and then you realize that person shaves their chest, and you can’t look at them anymore?

29x365: #29 mason

i didn’t think i’d need 29 words to say all i remember about you is mason is not your real name, and you’re something of a gerbil on acid.

29x365: #28 ryan c.

wish i’d have met you years later, so i would have known better than to waste time on a loser who can’t commit to a job, location or personality.

29x365: #27 matt s.

you introduced me to wakeboarding and the concept of being perceived as a peasant by the upper crust. laughing over $3000 of spilled imported sushi? just not my style.

Friday, August 1, 2008

favorite link of the week

so, i was reading my friend mcdowell's blog today, and i came across this link, which i have to say is quite possibly the best thing i've read in weeks...of course, i've been reading mostly MBE questions and pages and pages about easements and trusts and the establishment clause, so my enthusiasm may be slightly skewed in comparison to normal other people.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

champagne thursday: toast #14

so this one's pretty late since i just got back from tucson about an hour ago, but i'd like to give a big thank you to the golf villas at oro valley. holy crap, what a fabulous place to stay for the bar exam or any other reason.

i reserved a one-bedroom villa, which measures 809 square feet = bigger than several of my past apartments. they ended up giving me a two-bedroom, two-bath villa, which totally knocked my proverbial socks off. i didn't even realize it until i was using the restroom and noticed that the tub was not the whirlpool tub i was promised was in every unit. then i walked around the place and found the master bedroom with its attached bath, which did, indeed, include said tub.

master bedroom had walk-out to the patio, as did the living room. full kitchen included all the plates, coffee mugs and silverware you could hope for, in addition to pots and pans and a dishwasher, which my lovely housekeeper ran for me every damn day. ridiculous, i know.

dvd player in the living room was perfect for my gilmore girls marathon while i drank copiously and pretended i was not there to take the bar exam. pool and hot tub included entertainment provided by two ladies from new jersey talking about their crazy aunt, and thousands of frogs, in both giant and miniature varieties.

in all, i couldn't have asked for more if i'd paid a few hundred dollars a night, and i only paid $89/night. and if my dogs and my kitten keep annoying the crap out of me, i just might move there for good.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

things i love wednesday: being done with bar exam

i'm not sure there is a feeling anywhere in the world that is better than the feeling you get when you push past the double doors to make the trek back to your car after your final session of the bar exam...passing probably feels pretty good, but i wouldn't know anything about that. for now, i am just loving being done with the damn thing.

and also, these bags from trader joe's:and also, these beers from trader joe's:and also, the fact that the first picture of the beers from trader joe's turned out like this:
and also, trader joe's. must. get. one. in. my. town.