Wednesday, May 7, 2008

it depends on what you mean by 'personify'

some people might think my husband and i have some issues...okay, a lot of people might think that, at least when it comes to our dogs. we tend to talk about them in ways that, if we're out in public, people stop us and ask, "what ages are your children?" and that's okay with us, because we don't try to hide our love for obsession with our dogs.

that said, we might have taken it a bit far last night. we're getting ready for bed, watching lake county, indiana get reamed by an overly tanned hammond mayor, and all four dogs are hanging out in the bed in their usual fashion: malichai is snuggled up to my husband, aiko is at the foot of the bed wondering why we have all these damned dogs, bronson is trying to bully his way up to the head of the bed, and teagan has this "woe is me" look on her face because she's not where malichai or bronson are. yeah, it's that ridiculous in my house.

we often refer to bronson's power plays for bed space as "beaking," because he basically seems to think that if he can get his big old nose into an area, he can fit his whole 65-pound, barrel-chested body into the area too. which leads to what we call "serial crushing," wherein bronson collapses into that tiny space without regard for anyone else's body parts.

apparently overly tired and a bit punchy, we started thinking up future occupations that bronson might look into, starting with being a crusher at a cereal company, because after being told for years by his parents that he is a serial crusher, he would probably be confused.

we then decided that he would be perfect for a job crushing cars at a junkyard or cans at a recycling facility. he could just beak the button and watch things get demolished and then go home and drink some pabst with his crusher buddies. because he's a blue collar kind of guy.

we're on a roll now, so we turn to malichai, who has been spending his time lately chewing on a tree limb shaped like a wishbone and reminding me that we really need to get a cover for the damn wood pile. 

now, though, we realize he is not destroying anything, but rather he is whittling, and he is an artist, and he will travel to the crunchy, granola town of flagstaff on the weekends to sell his wares.

and teagan will travel with him, because she plays the musical saw. (and because she is a bit of a leech.)

and aiko will marry rich and will not have to work, but she might look into founding her own security company.

and this is why someday my husband and i will share a padded cell.