Tuesday, May 6, 2008

michigan seems like a dream to me now

i promised my friend angie i would try to scrapbook my weekend with her in michigan, but scrapbook people scare absolutely terrify me, so this is the closest i think i'll get. i'm sure i'll leave a lot out, and i will blame that on alcohol and loss of sleep throughout the weekend.

first, i had to drive to vegas, which is the closest airport to my house, even though i live here. go figure. this is what it looks like for about a zillion miles in any direction:
after a perfectly lovely flight that included far-too-loud-headphones girl and sleeping-grizzly-bear man, who i absolutely did not have to wake up by beating his arm and then did not have to explain that no, we were not under attack in any way and i just needed to use the lavatory that did not smell like a port-a-potty, which smell did not attach itself to me like a fungus and follow me all the way to detroit...crap, where did this sentence start? right. this is what detroit looks like:except that it doesn't look anything like that, and this is only a photo of the view from the airport terminal looking onto what is likely another terminal, and this photo was taken on my way back home, because it was effing 5:30 in the morning (read: pitch black sky) when i got to detroit and procuring coffee was a much more important mission than taking photos of detroit vistas.

after getting coffee, we stopped at lisa's house so somebody could shower off the smell of airplane toilet, and lisa showed us what detroit orange juice looks like:
if safeway does not carry kosher orange juice, i may never drink the stuff again.

then we went to an aveda institute for pedicures, which i must stress is the absolute best cure for airplane body ever, and i don't think i'll ever travel anywhere anymore without booking a salon upon my arrival. also, there was lo. and lo was a R-I-O-T. i don't have a picture of lo, but she looked kind of like this. and she said things like this:
i love disney world. it's where all your dreams come true.
and this:
my sister said, 'why do i need to go on an around the world trip when i can just go to epcot center?'
and this:
i got in a fight with the water hose. AGAIN. and now my pants are all wrinkly.
lo made me yearn for the days when i, too, was 19 years old and a night out ended by stumbling through the door at 4 am and missing class the next morning because you threw your alarm from the top bunk in your dorm room. except that lo lives with her mother and sleeps on the couch when she gets home late, and yes, we did become far too involved in lo's personal life.

so then we went with angie to try on wedding dresses, and i can't post those pictures because i don't know which one she might choose, and i don't want to ruin the surprise for her indentured servant betrothed. but i absolutely will post photos of what i found in the dress shop. let me just say that if i ever have to walk into this restroom again, i will gouge my own eyes out with toothpicks and then pour acid all over my body:

after that nightmare, we went to a sushi place that was not only sushi but also french food, because the two go together so well. it was in a house that looked like it belonged in gone with the wind, which also made sense. but it was fabulous, so i will not poke fun at the frenasians.

then we drove to grand rapids, and this is what angie looks like when she drives:
except that what you don't see is that she is traveling at 118 mph, and she is barely 14 inches behind the car in front of her, and i am sitting next to her with my stomach in my throat and my hands are still clenched to this day, which makes typing extremely difficult.

later, angie showed me what murder houses look like in grand rapids:
and that is pretty much all the photos i took because i fell over dead after being up for 42 hours, drinking five newcastles and approximately 16 vodka tonics and talking until 4 am. which is probably why i said this the next day while eating my butternut squash bisque:
i hate nuts, and if i get one in my mouth, it's going to totally ruin this whole thing for me.
isn't that sexy?


Angie said...

That is a fantastic summary of your trip to the lovely midwest. I meant to tell you that Monday we had a high of 77 and today looks like it may just go a tad over that. Wanna come out next weekend?

Jo-Ann said...

Hey there :) I just read your BLOG I have to say that you just CRACK ME UP !!! LOL I was laughing the whole time I was reading it !!! I needed a good laugh HA HA HA... So did you get rid of the FLEAS from FLAVOR FLAV !!! LOL

whiticism said...

i totally forgot to mention that i was greeted upon my return home with the pure awesomeness that is flavor flav, who was walking in front of me on the way out of the airport, and who almost slammed into me and said, "scuse me, ma'am," and i almost died because i ended up smack in the middle of his entourage, and he was wearing what looked to be a pink ladies' jacket. ah, i love vegas. and run-on sentences. apparently.