Friday, May 16, 2008

words/phrases you never knew your dogs could/should learn

i think i might have mentioned before that the husband and i are little obsessed with our dogs, and that we just might treat them a bit more like people than like the savage beasts they are. to further prove the point, i've compiled the following list of words and phrases the dogs have learned, and what those words mean to them:

1. that is inappropriate = aiko, stop humping teagan. not least because you're both girls.

2. go get the (blank) and bring it inside with you = if you leave that friggin' toy on the lawn and then whine to go back outside to get it in two minutes, we will have you stuffed and use you as a mantel decoration.

3. no, leave that where it is = no, bronson, you absolutely cannot bring the giant tree limb in the house.

4. special = whatever we're describing is going to totally rock your world to the point that you really should start wiggling your whole body right this second.

5. nap = aiko, we want you to go in the bedroom and stop trying to devour whoever is at the front door. also may be used to signal we are about to take an actual nap.

6. was that a good dinner = please use our couches as napkins. if those fail, use our legs.

7. are you finished? = go to the bathroom or get back inside.

8. abso-LUTE-ly not = if you eat any more of the new grass, we will sell you to the glue factory.

9. kennel time, excellent! = bronson, go sit in your kennel and wait patiently for us to lock you in. malichai, get in your kennel while eyeing the door, on the off chance we are going to take you somewhere. once you're in said kennel, immediately exit and run around like a crazy person. then, with the most pathetic face you can muster, return to your kennel. teagan, act like you've never heard the word kennel before, but if everybody else is getting into one, by god, it sounds like a good idea to you too. aiko, go get in the bed, because you're the only one who doesn't destroy anything while we're gone.

10. kill! = jump up and kiss that stranger. [NOTE: they haven't actually learned this yet, but i predict it will be a show stopper. and much appreciated by the neighbors.]